Tonight I ask...WHY?

I have often wanted to make a post like this...then I hesitate. I don't want one to think I am being "negative" or having doubts...but enough is enough!

What in the world am I talking about?  Well..."C"...those that have followed me know that I refer to that horrible, awful, no-good word...cancer as "C". I hate to even type out the 6 letter word.  No I am not being negative...nor am I giving up on my fight...but I will tell YOU all this...I am SICK and TIRED of hearing that word and how it is affecting so many people. 

Yesterday I was sitting at "Miss Amy's" funeral as she so courageously fought metastatic breast "C"...and then tonight I am hearing about my cousin's dear friend Ryan who is fighting so hard for his life as he too has been fighting "C".

When will it stop? What needs to change? What can we do?  How much more do we have to go through?  How come our families have to suffer so bad as they watch their loved ones fight for their life?  Why can't they CURE it?  Who will be next that has to fight this fight? 

These are all questions that many of us wonder and often ask ourselves...WHY? 

Well I am no scholar or claim to know everything about this horrible disease...but I do know this it changes EVERYTHING!  Some things it changes for the better...and some things it unfortunately changes for the bad. :(   I DO KNOW THIS...keeping positive all the time is sometimes difficult...but NEVER GIVE UP!!!  Attitude is everything as I remember my Grandma Marjy on some of her last days as she wore her "Never Give Up" shirt...it makes sometimes the hardest days...not so hard.

Please remember when you might be having a "bad" day...the person next to you might be fighting a battle...a battle to live...a battle to see tomorrow.

So I have a request: Please remember to keep Amy's family in your thoughts and prayers...and Ryan's family too...as he fights...Candi in your prayers as she lost her Mama to "C" on Easter...Ted whose marker #s have elevated. Gosh! Forget it...I can't keep on naming everyone lets just pray for all those that are fighting...and those families that are grieving the loss of their loved one. 

Until next time...I  still ask WHY?...but will remember  that "C" is a word...not a sentence!     

For You...Miss Amy





Last night I got a devastating email that really tugged at my heart strings...
I got the news that a fellow "fighter" didn't receive the news that they wanted to hear...
in fact the news isn't good at all.  But as I laid in bed and shed a lot of tears...all I could do was think of the song "There Will be a Day" by Jeremy Camp (video above).


I looked back at an email this *(see below) special person sent me about a month ago...it goes like this...

"Jamie you are an inspiration to me and I think of you often.  Thanks for talking with me, it reminds me that I'm not in this alone." 



Well what they might not realize is what an inspiration they are to me...and so many others. 



Thank you for being YOU. Miracles do happen and I believe that there will be a day when there will be NO more suffering. 



We love you and continue to lift you and your family up in prayer.



Until next time...praying for those fighting this battle.


*I wrote this blog post early today...and didn't want to "name" my fellow fighter...however more people are now aware of the situation and I think it is ok that I ask you all to pray and send positive thoughts to Miss Amy and her family. 

Miss Amy was my daughters dance teacher for a few years.  More importantly when I think of Amy I think of her infectious smile and her curly hair. 

More recently when I first learned of her diagnosis...I reached out and wanted her to know that she could call me any time...we could laugh, cry, or scream together as we were both fighting "C" and I was an "experienced" fighter having already fought breast "C"...

I then mentioned that my girls have truly been blessed to be able to attend "Kids Can Cope" and encouraged her to check it out for "N"...well my heart was happy when we walked out of the elevator and onto the 3rd floor headed to "class" and there sat Miss Amy's aunt as she brought N there for Kids Can Cope. 

Know that you are loved so very much Miss Amy and again...Thank you for being YOU!

Been a little bit...

http://www.kpho.com/video?clipId=10019411&autostart=true

The above link is from an interview I did last week. It aired today on our one of our local channels. The Pancreatic Cancer action network-Purple Strides event will take place this Sunday, April 6th  downtown Phoenix.  I will be the SURVIVOR speaker.
Come out and show your support.

So it's been a little while...as some of you are aware I was having SEVERE and I can't stress how severe the pain was. On a scale of 0-10...I would rate it a 15. It was similar to "back labor" for those women that have experienced child birth. The pain would start in my lower back and radiate to my abdomen.

Well for someone going through what I am going through the doctors first thought is oh no...this is "C" that we were dealing with. We'll after several scans and being monitored...it was determined that is was not more "c"...instead issues from the whipple surgery.

So my GI doctor along with his associate took me in for an ERCP and placed a stent in my "surgical" area where there was some narrowing. I'm a proud patient to say my doctor is very intelligent and the pain (knocking on wood now) has not come back.

I have since gone on and received more chemo...Monday was #9.  If all goes as planned I will have 3 more cycles. I am kickin "C" and reflecting on all that I have been through to this date. I am proud to and think I have the right to say this...I am a SURVIVOR...I am still fighting...but I am seeing the light at the end of this curvy tunnel.

My girls are doing well...they keep me fighting and I know they are truly my little angels.  I can't wait for a year from now to look back and think Wow! That was a crazy time in our lives...but we are survivors because of it.  It's the little things in life that we go through that make us who we are.

I am so grateful for my friends and family that have stood with me...and my Faith for keeping me strong.   Thank you again for being with me on my journey...the one I like to call life.

Until next time...I am seeing lots of purple and ready for the weekend.

Here's to MORE birthdays

 I think this song fits me pretty well. Some people would say I have been to (excuse the term) heck and back...and some days that is what I feel like...but I am a RISER! I am a get out-aliver...I am a SURVIVOR.  All the "stuff" I have had to endure this past decade or so...has made me a STRONGER person and who I am today. Because of all the "stuff" I feel I can conquer a LOT...most people would have given up by now. They would have thrown in the towel...but I keep getting the punches coming my way...and get right back up and come back at life 10x greater. 



Today marks a special day...at 10:43 am AZ time...I will officially be 36 years old.  Birthdays to me just are not about marking another day off the calendar, or opening gifts, or eating desert...it means so much more.  It is a mile stone that I made it on this earth another year. That I have conquered another 365 days...that I have made at least 365 more memories with my girls...that I have lived to continue to tell my story. 



My life is constantly changing...each day is a new day. Yesterday is just that...it was the past...today is a beautiful day...and pray that tomorrow will be just as beautiful...BUT it all depends on how we look at life.  We can sit around and play the pity-party negative game...or we can dust off our boots and conquer each day with a smile on your face and a song (hopefully happy) in your heart. 



So here's to many more birthdays!



Until next time...I am thankful God has given me the strength to deal with all I have been dealt with...and continue to live life each and every day to the fullest.  (even if I now have to check my blood sugars and give myself insulin injections-ha!)



ps...oh yes...I am now a TYPE 1 Diabetic...but I am not going to post about that to ruin my bday-mojo. :)

For the Record...Positivity Please!

I shouldn't have to write this post...nor should I feel like I have to...but I am! Caution I use the "C" word a lot...I am going to make my point VERY clear to some. (or at least try to)
I blog because I enjoy writing...I want to share my story with others...I want others to know that CANCER is a WORD...NOT a sentence. I know there will always be the few that might disagree or have their opinions...but your negativity is nothing compared to all the positivity that I am around or receive.  I get comments left on my blog...and out of probably 40 comments...I will have 1 that isn't so "positive".

Let me set something straight for the record. NO 2 CANCER stories are alike. Heck my paternal Grandma, Aunt, 2 great aunts, maternal Grandfather, his sister my great aunt, and my Mom have ALL had CANCER...and guess what NONE of our stories are anywhere similar. In fact they are so far from each other that it isn't even worth comparing. Why does this matter...CANCER IS CANCER...this I do know. 

But guess what...statistics are just that...NUMBERS.  We could be driving down the interstate and lose our lives tomorrow...we don't know when are time has come...but reality is we all die some day...whether you believe in after we leave this earth and live on forever or not is up to you...

I got a comment that had a LOT of "negativity" in it...sorry that you wasted your time typing it all...but last time I checked I have NEVER gotten a "sentence" from the doctor saying I only have such and such amount of time left on this earth. In fact...I have beaten so many odds that everyone just smiles and shakes their head in disbelief.  

Ways I have "beaten the odds"...
*Survived stage 3 aggressive Breast Cancer at the age of 27
*was a candidate and SURVIVED the whipple surgery
*Have Survived being a single Mama while fighting cancer
*Survived 47 radiation treatments to date with breast and pancreatic CANCER treatments
*Have Survived 4-A/C treatments and 4-taxol treatments
*Have Survived 35 days of continuous 5FU treatments and counting
*Have Survived 10 Gemzar treatments
*Have Survived 6 oxaliplatin treatments and counting
-Do you see the pattern? I am SURVIVING!   What was it that you had to say?... Ha!

I am sorry some must be so miserable and find it necessary to make others lives miserable...saying that I am hiding so much...well those that LOVE me and KNOW me can attest that I am probably one of the most positive people you'll ever know and I live life each and every day!

I don't focus on everything "bad" that has happened in my life...because if I did I would be 6 feet under...I have a purpose on this earth.

As for my girls they absolutely know what LOVE is...how to love...and how to be loved. They too haven't had the easiest last couple of years...but don't you all worry about them...for those of you that do NOT know...they have been in coping class with other kiddos of parents that have been going through CANCER too.  Those that have followed by journey from step one had the opportunity to see the post with the video of my girls being so brave as they were interviewed and made most adults look like little pieces of bread crumbs scattered on a restaurant floor.

So moral of this crazy post is this...Yes, I blog for a reason...do I share everything with complete random strangers...ummm no! There is a limit as to how far I will go...you can read my book one day with all the other juicy details.  Until then...remember I human...I am a mom...I have beat CANCER once-I am BEATING it again...I don't need to hear the statistics or how my story is just like someone else's and how they lost their battle.  I will only accept positive comments :)  so other than that...don't waste your energy...life is too short. 

Did you know...for those "worried" about statistics that 1 out of 2 men and 1 out of 3 women will develop cancer in their lifetime.  Pretty depressing, huh?  What are YOU doing to prevent it? Eat healthy, live positive, and be YOU! Check yourself...be proactive. Trust your gut...get a 2nd opinion if need be. (Thank goodness I did!)

Just so YOU know..those that DON'T know me...I was inpatient one day for test/labs...and paragliding the next with one of my fave doctors...yep! That's how I roll. See... I am living my life...and although I don't feel like 100% everyday...I give each day 110%.

So until next time remember this...until you've walked in my shoes...I guess I can honestly say-don't judge! I am an open book...when I have something to say...don't YOU worry...I will say it! 

No Chemo Today!

Hello! Its been a little bit...

Some of you know that I was in the hospital for a short time getting my labs checked and scans to go with...I was having severe and I mean severe abdominal pain.  My labs were kinda all crazy and more concerning my liver enzymes were really high-above 500+.  So all my doctors were concerned and did a ct scan, an ultrasound, and then an mri. They really didn't show anything significant...but they wanted to make sure I didn't have some sort of blockage from the whipple. Although it has been over a year...there can still be complications down the road so being proactive is always important.

Today I showed up to get my port accessed and to begin all the steps to a "normal" chemo day...once I was checked in by the nurse they sent in the med-onc doctor's "assistant" and she informed me that Dr.K wants me to follow up with my GI doctor before proceeding with the next round of chemo. Which makes sense :)  Good news that I got today was that my liver enzymes went from high 500s down to 100s...still a tad high...but I will take it!!! 

I will wait for the center to call me with my appointment and we will go from there as to when my next chemo will be. No worries!

So another lesson after today is a reminder that...everything happens for a reason!

Until next time...(sorry to you out of state people) I am outside enjoying the nice Arizona sunshine. Toodles!

My Aunt Pam

I have been wanting to blog about my Aunt...but the time just wasn't right. I knew this day was coming sooner than later and although it is a sad time...it is also a glorious time knowing who she is going to meet. 



For those of you that do not know...my Aunt has been battling dementia for a few years now.  She took a fall a few weeks ago...and fractured her arm.  Once she was taken to the hospital and examined...it was determined that she had metastatic breast cancer. 



Once my cousins and my Uncle were given the news...they were also given the prognosis and a "time-frame".  Hospice was then called in.



I was fortunate enough to be able to visit her while she was still in the hospital 2 weeks ago. Although she did not know who I was...as I began to leave...I rubbed her hand, kissed her forehead and told her...I Love You.  She replied, "Bless your heart" with all the smile that she could give me. 



I know that she has missed her parents, and her brothers...I know that they will all be together again.  As sad as the situation may be...I was reminded by my youngest today as I shed my tears...just this..."Mama, you know what...she's not in pain anymore".  I shook my head yes...I know!



My aunt wanted everyone to get an education...and to better them selves. 



She wasn't just "my aunt"...she was also a teacher to many. In fact my worst year of elementary school was in 4th grade...not because I hated going to school...but the fact that my aunt was my teacher and wanted me to be best-well it gets better...I also smashed the class pet (on accident) that year...and as sad and upset as I was...she told me this..."Jamie Renae...it is ok! stop your crying and get back into class, you know Dessia (a childhood friend) stepped on the gerbil the year before..."



My aunt leaves behind my Uncle Rex, her sons Jim & his wife Amy, Clint & his wife Sheridan and 7 amazing grand kids.



I am grateful for the good memories I have with my Aunt Pam from the shopping trips we use to take, the Christmas Eve parties at her house...to the good times in 4th grade :)



Until next time...keeping my Family in my prayers as losing someone is never easy.