Last night I asked Why? Today...

Last night I made a post about asking WHY?  Today...I asked myself right now...do I keep quiet for a bit...or do I ask you to pray.  The answer was simple...I said a prayer and I ask that you do as well.

Let me explain.  My mind is going a million miles a minute...so please excuse my frazzledness...yes I know that is not a word...but I am going to use it.

As some of you know last week I had 2 more stents placed in my abdomen-in my "whipple" surgery area...boy did that hurt.  The doctors showed me the "area" they were "working with"...it looked like a strand of hair from the narrowing compared to the rest of the duct area that looked like an earth worm on the screen.  The question was...is the narrowing from the actual surgery and scar tissue...or was it in fact "C" that was causing the narrowing...

The doctors took a lot of biopsies and brushings of the area and sent it off to pathology...

Well fast forward 6 days...which would be today...and I arrived at CTCA for my scheduled appointments and round 11 of chemo...

HERE IS WHERE YOU NEED TO PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO WHAT I AM ABOUT TO SAY...YES I AM  SCREAMING-ha!

Well the biopsy report has come back and confirmed that my disease has progressed...YES...the biopsies confirmed the "area" showed "C". 

What does this mean??????????????

Well either one of 2 things...it may have been there for awhile or this is something new.  Question for the doctors to determine if the chemo has truly been working and I am to remain on that regimen or if they need to switch chemo to another one and go from there. 

My team of doctors are working together as I type this to determine what chemo I am to get. 

I have come home for a quick bit to take a deep breath and wait for the phone call as to when I am going to return today.  I left with them reassuring me and telling me I will be getting chemo today...just not sure exactly what at this point.

Questions you may be asking... Am I scared?-Honestly NO! I have been through the whipple surgery and more...this is just another punch I have taken and have my gloves up ready to keep fighting.

Am I a bit discouraged?-Yes...who wouldn't be...well lets be honest...as my dear friend and fighter Ted mentioned at CTCA yesterday when he got some discouraging news last week...he was pissed!  Well excuse me for what you are about to read...but I too am a little pissed at the moment.  NOT  at my team of doctors...but at the fact that "C" thinks it can keep doing this.

Have I told my girls?...NO!!! I dropped them at school before heading to CTCA and will talk to them this afternoon.

Is this horrible news? Yes-because I HATE "C" very bad at the moment...but NO-because God gave me another day to wake up and I know this too shall pass.

I am actually feeling a sense of peace as I continue typing this and realizing how grateful I am for my doctors that they did the ERCP last week for my stents...and not just that ...but they actually went further to investigate and this is how they found what they did. 

I ask that you continue to uplift not only my family and I in your prayers...but my team of doctors that they will be guided to what needs to be done.

Until next time...this girl may have gotten the wind kicked out of her a bit ago...but I am going to keep fighting as I always have been.