Nov: Day 12 Live Life

Wow! Today is 11-12-13...so how many of you celebrated today any different than any other "normal" day? Yep...me neither! Today was just another typical day to be thankful to be ALIVE. As I was driving home tonight...a song came on the radio. When the girls and I hear a song we like...we will crank up the volume and sing our hearts out.

This song is a special one...it has real-raw meaning to what we have endured over the past year...which leads me to this post.




*This photo was taken on 11-24-12...the day that we went to meet my dear friend from college...I was NOT feeling well that day...but little did I know on that night I would be headed to the ER where my life would change...once again!

Well it has almost been a year ago (11-30-12) that I was sitting on ground-A at Banner T-Bird...with the best nurse and the oncologist and GI doctors that confirmed the worst.  Not only did I have cancer...but in fact it was primary pancreatic cancer. Days before they had seen "C"...but had to wait for the PRIMARY type.  I remember sitting there in such shock.  I had always thought WOW...now that I have beat breast cancer...I am not sure I would ever go through with treatments for cancer again.  Well folks...that all changes when you are given that diagnosis again...all I could see were my little girls faces. I was in a state of disbelief and I paused for a moment to gasp for a bit of air as I felt I had a lump in my throat...as if someone had just sucked the air out of me. 

The onco doc explained that he was almost in disbelief too...I asked him a medical question as to why-and he wasn't exactly sure, I remember him getting on his smart-phone right then and there and researching the answer to the question I had asked.  Something deep inside gave me the courage to say this...if I have this again...I need to start fighting.  It is Friday morning and you will possibly discharge me tonight...then before that is going to happen...schedule to put a PORT into my chest so I can get it taken care of and chemo started right away if need be. Well as I asked for...by that afternoon I was getting what not only I wanted...but needed.



(yes folks...that's what jaundice looks like...but I got my port-ha!)


I was inpatient in there for a total of 6 days...my room was filled with family, nursing school friends, grade school friends, my instructors, complete strangers that were getting "word" of my situation, old co-workers...but the most important visitors were my 2 little girls.


...which leads me to this...telling them what was "going-on" was NO simple task.  I am NOT one to "sugar-coat" the truth or live as if "nothing" is going on.  Therefore I tell them what I have to go through...what needs to be done...and WE can & WE will get through this.  Telling my babies on that night was tough!!! I look back at the picture above and it breaks my heart...this was after they heard of my diagnosis and we all took a walk to the cafeteria...didn't eat much but I had escaped my room for a moment to spend with them.  They had a lot of questions and I answered them all the best that I knew how to and held back many tears...at least until they left.

I didn't know...nor did my doctors know of my prognosis.  But what they were aware of and the "statistics"...there weren't many positive stories of such a diagnosis.  My class mates had been in and out of my room for those 6 days...they all came to the conclusion of something that I really wanted to do...that was to make more memories with my girls.  I knew I wanted to take pictures with them too...I am a picture person...so having pictures with my girls was a MUST!   So as my classmates were "secretly" making plans...I was also making plans. 

A tradition that we always do is try to attend the Fiesta of Lights Parade in Phoenix...well this last year was no different...I was sitting along Thomas Rd with my Mama and my girls...as we watched the lights and heard the sounds of 1000s of people.  I think back to that night and I get emotional as I remember the American Cancer Society entry go by...my eyes filled with tears and I prayed I would be there again another year...I whispered to my mom all choked-up I really want to live...I want to be here again next year.  She grabbed my arm and said...Sis I know...you are going to be! 



I had also scheduled pictures with Jobrina...someone that I had always admired as a kid when she was a "cool" high-schooler with my cousin...I made the phone call and I remember leaving the message...Jobrina...It's Jamie. If you get this please call me back. I really would like to take pictures with my girls...unfortunately I am in the hospital just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and if nothing else...for my girls...I want to take pictures with them.  I knew that the season for taking pictures was chaotic...but I knew Jobrina would find a way...sure enough on Sunday...we were squashing a fresh planted field of alfalfa (hay for the city-folks) as I sat there with my girls. Trying to smile the best that we knew how and holding back many tears and fears of the not-knowing.  We felt like a queen and 2 princesses...my talented cousin Kristin had come to my house and did our hair and air brushed away my jaundice-colored skin. 




So many people began if they hadn't already...to show so much support...profile pictures were changing and we began to see LOTS of PURPLE...


Well don't forget as I mentioned above...my classmates were still working their magic. They knew my dream someday was to ride in a hot air-balloon.  Well folks...that dream became a reality for my girls and me.  Something that all I can say is WOW!!!

The ride was incredible. Something I will NEVER forget.  I am grateful for my classmates and how they really just became part of my family and gave us such an unforgettable gift.  Flying so high...took a lot of my thoughts away for a brief moment and gave me a sense of freedom...thinking I can do this!

Which is why I began this blog post mentioning a song...once I got the diagnosis...I have done everything I am able to do with and for my girls. We sing  Tim McGraw's "Live Like YOU Were Dying" louder than ever and with so much heart and soul poured into it.

He said, I was in my early forties
With a lot of life before me
When a moment came that stopped me on a dime

I spent most of the next days, looking at the x-rays
Talking bout the options and talking bout sweet times

I asked him when it sank in
That this might really be the real end
How's it hit 'cha when you get that kind of news?
Man, what'd ya do?
And he said

I went skydiving
I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denyin'

And he said, Someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dyin'

He said, I was finally the husband
That most the time I wasn't
And I became a friend, a friend would like to have

And all of a sudden goin' fishin'
Wasn't such an imposition
And I went three times that year I lost my dad
Well I, I finally read the good book
And I took a good long hard look
At what I'd do if I could do it all again
And then

I went skydiving
I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denyin'

And he said, Someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dyin'

Like tomorrow was a gift
And ya got eternity to think about what to do with it
What did you do with it?
What did I do with it?
What would I do with it?

Skydiving
I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I watched an eagle as it was flyin'

And he said, Someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dyin'

So we have gone flying in an air balloon, gone to a bull-riding event (something I had never even witnessed live), climbed more mountains, gone fishing (something girls have always wanted to do), speak sweeter, watched many birds fly, enjoy the little things, try to forgive those that have hurt us easier, and don't leave without saying I LOVE YOU. 

Life is too short...this I know.  But I am going to live each and everyday to the fullest. God has given me this life and I am going to use it to make a difference and make memories with my girls. I can't believe its almost been ONE whole year...what a year it has been! 

Until next time...try living life to the fullest! Don't forget to THINK PURPLE!