Since the whipple...

I was diagnosed with Pan-Can on 11-30-12 then on 12-28-2012 I was waking up in the ICU at Good Sam...after having a VERY long surgery. So yesterday marked ONE year ago...365 days that I had 1/2 my pancreas, part of my small intestine, and part of my stomach removed...to remove the "C". This surgery known as the "Whipple" or officially known as the pancreaticduodenectomy. (yes say that 10 times)  

For those of you that have followed my story, or know me personally...know that I "BARELY" researched anything on the web about this life-changing surgery. I had NO idea what it was literally all about.  I had no idea I would be in the ICU with one nostril having an NG tube up it and the other a feeding tube...for 10 days to be exact.  Wow don't wish that feeling upon anyone and pray  I never have to experience that again.  This definitely was not one of my more favorable memories. 

I remember being so loopy from my surgery and the RN asking/telling me that when the time was right to let her know so she could get me up to walk.  I laughed out loud...literally and said no time is better than NOW.  I remember getting up out of that bed and walking around the nurses station which seemed like the length of a  football field.  The nurses were so amazed that they were seriously cheering me on.  They couldn't believe I had just undergone that surgery and was walking like what was the big deal.-ha!

I had the some of the best nurses possible as I have mentioned in previous posts...they were there to lift me up, control my unbearable pain, help with my nausea, and talk to me when I so badly missed my baby girls.

I finally got the "ok" days after my surgery that I could see my babies in the side waiting room outside of the ICU doors.  It took ALL that I had to walk from my room to see them as they sat there with eyes as big as saucers as they scoped out all the tubes that were hooked up to me.  I could feel my eyes begin to swell up with tears and I would nod to my mom that it was time to take them home.  I  was emotional and couldn't bare to see them watch me cry as I missed them oh so much.  I love face-timing...don't get me wrong.  But there were nights that I would hide under the sheets and my girls were only able to see my eyes...because it was so hard for me to show them what I was faced with.  I would hit the "end" button and just sit in my room for many of the 10 nights and cry...yes I would cry. This tough girl has a soft-side and all these emotions were coming to the surface. 

At that time I still didn't know my "stage" of "C"...I didn't know what treatments I would undergo...or what the next steps in my life would be. 

All I knew at that moment was that Dr. Koep and Dr. Brink had Faith in their specialty and believed in me...they knew that I had "age" on my side...and if at all possible they were going to remove the "C".  I look back now and have often read and re-read the surgery report from this surgery.  They truly put all that they had into "saving" me.  They were VERY optimistic.  I am grateful and still get choked up even as I type this when I think of these 2 guys...Thank you Heavenly Father for these 2...for these doctors that are literal life-savers.

Then once I was able to "eat" they handed me the "Whipple-Diet Menu"...oh boy! Was that appetizing.  Lots of broth, then yogurt, jello, soup, oatmeal, mashed potatoes...yep that's pretty much all I ate for about a month. I thought that I really should put together a post-whipple surgery cook-book. You can only eat the same food over and over until it really becomes gross. 

The picture is about 2 days post-surgery...my scar is so much prettier now :)  Now that it has healed...it looks like an upside down Nike Swoosh...so as they say "Just do it"...that is my constant reminder as I look in the mirror each day.  For this fight...I can and I will do it! 

So I guess you can say honestly that I have really been through a lot...but if it had not been for a successful whipple surgery...I am afraid to think of the outcome.  I will continue to keep on keepin' on. I want others to know that having this surgery if you are a candidate is life changing yes...but it is  eventually tolerable.




Thank you for believing in me Dr. Brink and Dr. Koep...this girl may be still fighting to SURVIVE...but she is ALIVE because of YOU!

If you are ever in my shoes with having to undergo the Whipple...you MUST find a doctor that has performed several of these surgeries and specializes in such a life altering surgery.  PLEASE do your research when it comes to your doctors!!!

Until next time...enjoy the little things in life...and remember the most important are NOT things. 

*Sorry if the picture is too graphic for some...but another crazy side note...I remember being "loopy" that night of surgery and I demanded that my aunts and my mom take pictures of me...it was then that I knew I wanted to document my journey with pictures to go along with my story.  As they say...Pictures are worth a-thousand words.

Continue to pray...tomorrow is round #3 of chemo. I can. I will.