And God said..."Be still"

These last few days...I have to be honest.  I have doubted my FAITH at times...and wondered how? Why? and What if?  Let me explain!  Some of you are/were aware of my concerns...and I can honestly say my FAITH was tested again!!!

So as most of you know my CA19-9 (tumor marker which they check through blood test)..."should" be for the normal human UNDER 36.  The week I was diagnosed it was reading at 1617.  After the whipple it had gone down to 117...then about 5 weeks ago it had INCREASED to 170+...so the Dr. O being the PRO-ACTIVE doctor that she is...had her medical assistant call me and say that I needed to retest my CA19-9.  Well I go in on April 4th to have my blood drawn...and then comes last Monday which I should have gotten my 2nd Gemzar.  Well with my WBC count being low I was not able to and immediately asked, "Well what about my CA19-9"...and then that is when my sweet RN Becca went on a hunt to track down those numbers...next thing I know the PA is coming over to my chair to inform me that my level was at 1305.  I FREAKED!!!  Then came the many tears...I drove down Bell Road headed to the 101 crying out to God..."Please!  Don't let this be"...And then a few more hours of crying and I put a call into the doctor office...left a message stating "If my tumor markers have gone so drastically high..lets get a PET scan or CT scan to ease my mind".  That night the sweet PA called me and told me exactly this..."We got your message...we know you are concerned with your CA19-9 being so elevated...so are we!"   They agreed that a "STAT" CT scan would be ordered...and would be done depending on insurance approval.

What seemed like FOREVER...really only 2 days...insurance DENIED it...so Friday I went back in to see if the 4 neupogen shots had done their job for my WBCs (which they did)...and as I go to leave I was informed that my insurance had APPROVED the CT Scan thanks to my doctors office fighting for ME!

I immediately called Banner scheduling and they said..."Can you come now!"...I was on my way and drinking barium.  The simple 10 minute test isn't the worst part...it is the waiting game...waiting for the results and hearing what is going on or is not going on.  So this weekend I tried to keep my mind busy and focus on other things...but the CT scan results were lurking in my mind and driving me nutty. 

So fast forward to TODAY...I go in with high hopes of 1. that my WBCs would be high enough to get chemo. 2. That I would hear those words I so long to hear from the CT scan.

SO...
1. My WBCs have dropped from 7.9 to 2.28 so still very cautious about being around people...however it is the neutrophil count that is really important to look at...it has to be at least 1.5...ladies and gentlemen...THIS girls count came in at 1.53. Is that not a miracle??  I know most aren't so excited to say wow! can't wait to get chemo or so excited to get it...but it is one step closer to the finish line.

2. After finishing my almost 2 hour treatment session...I asked once again for my CT scan report...and it was tracked down and read exactly this:
"NO CT evidence of tumor recurrence or metastasis at the level of the chest and abdomen.  Stable post-op changes. No liver metastasis."
Folks...I want to go run on the top of the mountain and scream this... "GOD IS GOOD!"  My doctor obviously says "we will watch it"...possible reason for CA19-9 being elevated...false/positive result or actual high reading from the chemo and radiation doing what they were/are suppose to do and the reading is elevated.

Tomorrow I will go back in for my very expensive, and VERY painful injection of NEULASTA...that is for my WBCs which is longer lasting than the neupogen...it boosts my cells and causes SEVERE bone pain.  I will most likely receive a neulasta now after every chemo.  I CAN DO THIS!!! (Phil 4:13)

I know I will have many ups and also many downs fighting this battle...I have to remember who "IS" in charge and as he said, "Be still and KNOW that I AM GOD" My FAITH has been tested...and once again I am reminded NEVER to give up!