Just an update straight from me

From the day I got diagnosed with "pan-can"...I always knew or was reminded (unfortunately) I was up against the odds/statistics...but didn't let it bother me because with God by my side I knew I could fight and give it my all. With that being said...I have done just that from day one of figuring out if it was primary pancreatic or breast "c" that had metastasized. Once it was determined to be pan-can I have been fighting ever since...so since 11/30/2012-it hasn't been an easy ride, but it has been a wild one. From the whipple surgery, chemo, radiation, more chemo, naturopath doctors, juicing, several supplements, several stent replacement surgeries, etc. etc. etc....
Many of you are aware, some have an idea, some think they know, and then who knows what all has been said...so I figured it was time the horse has spoke...
Last Wednesday I was given the news about my tumor markers reaching an all time high...and chemo not even being an option. People say/ask...well what about this, or what about that...why can't you do this or that? Well there is so much more to my puzzle...I have a huge blood clot we've been trying to manage/control along with the discovery of varices near my stomach wall. My stomach is not emptying properly...so that is just a glimpse. Right now at this time palliative care is under way and I'm living each day to the fullest that I'm able to with 2 little girls that call me Mama. At this time I ask you pray for peace and comfort for us.
Thank you for your continued love, support, and prayers.

KOHL WILLIAM LANFORD

For those that do not know who this handsome man is...this is my cousin KOHL.  I was given the best 14th birthday present when my Aunt Terry gave birth to her twins...just one day after my birthday.  Big brother Nick was anxious to meet his little brothers...but we kept him busy and he didn't mind that because Uncle Bill (my Dad) would take him to John Deere to get the newest toy tractor.  Well On March 11th, 1992...Kohl William (named after my Daddy) was born first and a few minutes later next came Kirk Randall (named after his Daddy).  We knew these boys were special...but didn't know how special until a few days later.  At 3 days Kohl had to under go heart surgery and was hospitalized at St Joes for a very long while.  We would go in as often as we could to visit him...but would mostly stay home to care for little Nick and baby Kirk.   My Dad and Grandma Marjy would sneak in as often as possible and spend hours on end to sit with baby Kohl while he laid there in is little metal hospital bed.

Kohl was always monitored for his heart-later had additional surgery and was on medications. 

Kohl went on and graduated from Palo Verde Elem 8th grade-went onto Buckeye Union High School- Then graduated from Heavy Equipment School-top of his class.  I was kinda jealous he got to drive those BIG "Tonka" like trucks.  He had a successful job...but he never forgot his roots.  He didn't forget where he came from and would come home quite frequently to spend time with his family and close friends.

Today I got the call that I dreaded to get...my cousin Kohl was being rushed to the ER by paramedics.  Then a short time later got the news that Kohl would no longer have to suffer...he was in a better place now.  I am sure sharing stories with my Dad...and solving all lives issues as they look down from above.

My heart hurts for my Aunt, Uncle, Nick, Kirk and their ladies...but also everyone that has been touched by Kohl. 

He was a simple man...I wanted to share a little story...

Last time we talked was about 4 weeks ago.  Whenever he saw me he would make it a point to turn his truck around and see me or we'd make plans to meet for dinner.  He would simply shake his head and say, "Jame...you know some people go around this earth complaining about everything under the sun...do they not even see what YOU and I are having to go through?"  "We are fighting for our lives-you with your "C" and me with my heart"...but you know what "We keep a smile on our faces and we keep living life". 

So whether Kohl William (as he said I was the only one that would call him that besides his Mom) was your relative, your class mate, your friend, someone that's life was touched by him, or a simple stranger that knew of him...it is easy to say...he was a GOOD guy.  A simple one.  Didn't expect much...but worked for what he got.  Made a difference.  He made me proud to call him my cousin.

Kohl William I will miss you so much. I am sorry life wasn't always the easiest for you...but like we always discussed...we just keep living.  God's got you now.  I will say that I am a bit jealous you got to see my Daddy before I did.  Thanks for loving me always...because I will love you forever. 
I am sorry I didn't get to make it to a KORN concert with you...but since you know I was your coolest cousin-ha...I will still rock all my KORN cds and always play them for you.
Send me a sign every now and again...to let me know you are ok.  It's not like we can just call each other after its been a little while and say, "What the hell.!!!"...  I love you buddy.  Nick will be ok...but like you're always worried about...don't worry I will always keep my eye on little Kirk...your twin.

                 

        

 GONE AWAY

 

An Angel whispered
take my hand and
come with me
you're work here is done.

I went away to a place
where there's no tears, nor sorrow
only laughter and smiles,
there will always be a Tomorrow.

As I move amongst the clouds.
I'll look down and smile upon you,
while the angels
sing a heavenly song.

I am not alone
all who went before
are here
they awaited my return.

I know you'll grieve
and wish I was still here
I am here in the memories
you hold dear.

Remember how much I
love you
and know I took your
love with me.

I did not wish for
you to cry, nor feel sad.
My pain is gone and
I am Free!

Soon you'll come to me
until then
God will be with you
Just as He's with me.

 



Breaking the Silence...

*While cruising down the Pacific Coast Highway  near Laguna Beach, CA-with my girls last week...the ocean to my right and tourists walking down the side walks to my left...this song came on.  I thought how fitting to me...we don't know what tomorrow will bring or some of us (including myself) don't know what exactly we are to do with our lives...but there is a REASON...and the reason is to live, love, and appreciate all that God has given us.



******YES I AM YELLING...I WANT YOU TO READ THIS BOLD STATEMENT******

BEFORE I START THIS BLOG POST...I MUST WARN YOU...I HAVE NOT FALLEN OFF MY ROCKER, I HAVE NOT, REPEAT NOT GIVEN UP, I WILL NOT ACCEPT ANY NEGATIVITY FROM ANYONE, I WILL SURROUND MYSELF WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE AND POSITIVE THINGS.  SOME OF YOU WILL NOT AGREE WITH ME, THAT IS FINE TOO...TO EACH THEIR OWN.  OTHERS OF YOU WILL THINK WOW...THIS GIRL IS CRAZY.  OTHERS OF YOU WILL SUPPORT ME.  MANY OF YOU HAVE FAITH IN GOD, AS I DO, AND KNOW HE IS THE ULTIMATE HEALER.  SO WITH ALL THAT BEING SAID...NO NEGATIVE COMMENTS...I WILL NOT ACCEPT THEM...INSTEAD OPEN YOUR MINDS TO WHAT I AM ABOUT TO SHARE WITH YOU. I HOPE THIS POST GOES VIRAL.  INFACT... IF I CAN CHANGE ONE OTHER PERSONS PERSPECTIVE ON "FIGHTING THE FIGHT"...THEN I THINK I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING GREAT.  SIT DOWN...THIS MIGHT TAKE A MINUTE TO READ.



*****************************************************************************



Hello...I am back!!! Well to be quite honest I never left.  Just needed some rejuvenation.  I have been keeping "quiet" and focusing on what needs to be done.  Done with what you might ask?  Fighting the fight and beating this "C".  I last left you all hangin with saying I would have a surgery that really has only been around for a few years...where they would go in and "burn" out the tumor area within my bile-duct.  Well that is no longer an option. My GI doctor doesn't feel comfortable with the area to work with. I will see him again next week and we will decide when I will go back in and exchange my stents...this is amazing so far...last few times they have only lasted about 4-5 weeks...we are creeping up on almost 8 weeks and shooting for 12 weeks.  So after I left from meeting with him...I knew I had to go another route of getting myself HEALED. 



I had met with I will call them "earthly" angels...talking to me about juicing more faithfully, eating organic, no meats, etc...I was wanting to go that route...but still was scared!!!  Not gonna lie.  When all I have been doing is chemo, chemo, and more chemo...I didn't know there was more to the healing process...because  I wouldn't open my eyes.  I had my blinders on and only saw it has a one way street...I didn't know there were other options and other alternatives. 



So after my last chemo...I told myself that I had to seriously pray about what I needed to do.  What needed to be done to get myself healthy.  I couldn't take another round and continue to feel the way I was feeling.  I couldn't stand leaving the clinic and coming home for 2 days with a pack of poison going continuously into my body. I needed a break from the poison...



Then one day I get a call from a highschool friend that asked me if I had watched the "Chris Beat Cancer" video?  For those of  you that have not seen this guy...check out this link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_k3B0y0tjCg



Please watch the above link.  It is an 11:30 video...worth every minute of your time.  It was that video that gave me a sense of peace that I was going down the right path...or at least I would be going down the right path. 



I met with another naturopath dr and he has been guiding me in the direction I need to be going.  The very first time I saw him he asked me a lot of questions...however his words will forever stick with me...get rid of all negativity even if it involves people in your life, I can only be around positivity...then he asked if I believed in God...if I pray...that I would become closer to Him and have Faith.



So since that day of meeting with we will call him, Dr. Mc Serious...I have dedicated my life to getting healthy again.

I am not going into detail of everything...you can email me if you are interested...however just a little glimpse into a typical day:



*2xdaily drinking baking soda

*Braggs Apple Cider Vinegar-drinking it

*Ton of supplements

*Plant based protein shake with hemp hearts, flax seeds, chia seeds, almond milk

*rebounding 10 minutes at a time

*48-64oz of ORGANIC veggie juices -LOTS of greens. Not so much on fruit. And freshly juiced not V-8 out of a can

*DoTerra essential oils

*Castor oil packs

*LOTS of PRAYING

*Get sun each day

*LOTS of POSITIVE thoughts

*Drinking only spring water with a ph of 8.0 or greater to make my body less acidic

*NO MEATS



I know the above might sound a little crazy and ALL NATURAL...but hello folks! What is better to keep shoving poison down my body or perhaps HEAL it NATURALLY with what my body truly needs??? You tell me...hmmm!  The answer is obvious to me.  Again...some will disagree as they already have...but THIS IS MY BODY...I am healing ME!


Well I have faithfully done the above mentioned and last week had my labs drawn again...CA19-9 is at 77. The lowest it has ever been was right after whipple surgery when it was at 54. Mind you...I was diagnosed and it was 1,617.  So as you can see it has been all over the board.   Do I think its just a "fluke" deal or do I think it is because of what I am Doing...well I have Faith that it is truly because of what I am doing.  My liver function test (ast/alt) also decreased, along with my alk.phos going from 279 down to 149.  You be the judge...but I know that God is healing me!!!


So fast forward to this week...Monday I go into the clinic and meet with my team of doctors...mind you the only one that knew I was "taking a chemo break" was my fave dr...she had met with me last Friday and agreed with me.  My body needs a BREAK...it won't be the "C" that will kill me...it would be the chemo.  I have been going through chemo with the pan-can ever since Jan. 2013...ummm hello my body is tired!!!   She also informed me that my
"team" might not agree so much with me.  Well little did I know just how much they wouldn't necessarily like my decision.



Monday was like any other ordinary meeting with them. I go into the room and the sweet RN takes my vitals, goes over my med list with me...then the team comes in one by one and evaluates me.  I informed them I was NOT doing chemo that day...infact I needed a break. They informed me how I would need chemo for the rest of my life.  This is what I heard next... these were some of the negative responses  I got:



"Your CA19-9 really can't be a good indication if your "C" is growing or not" (well lets see...every time it is elevated the red flags come up...now it is decreasing and we aren't going to care that much about it)



"I am so glad you are following your heart...then moments later...how do I say this...You know your quality of life will be better not doing chemo...but your longevity will not" (wow! that was something I really wanted to hear on a Monday morning)



"Instead of coming here...maybe you can just go to your PCP to have labs drawn...Well I am glad you are doing what makes you happy...have a nice life" (Ok...so I don't agree with continuing poison into my body and so you'll throw me to the curb)



***DRUM ROLL PLEASE... and this is the best one that tops them all



"Well I am glad you are going with what you think is best for you...but we want to give you the option of palliative care"...you know HOSPICE"  As I sat there with I could feel tears building up in my eyes...I was like what?!  Proceeded with "You know you could go on service with them, they offer good counseling"  As I shook my head NO!...was then asked..."So you aren't interested in Hospice...you know you need to think about your girls and not just yourself"  (Well lets see I know how Hospice works...I am a believer in it...I worked in case management and would arrange for hospice ALL the time working at a hospital where it seemed like 85% of patients were 80 years or older...and only had 6 months or less to survive.)



Well as I gathered my purse and my belongings....I felt as though someone had just kicked me in the gut.  It took a few minutes from still being in shock...to then a little bit of anger...to then going to the nearest grocery store and buying more organic vegetables to come home and juice.  I wondered how people can go from as I put it to my family "rainbows and butterflies" to people that are so very negative and give you the worst feeling ever. (That sure isn't what their multi-million dollar ads advertise...hmmmm!)



Is it the evil dollar that drives people to think this way...that only chemo is going to benefit me?

Is it that they are not educated outside of the box? They don't know to much about the other alternatives?

Is it that they could "get in trouble" if they didn't do what the gov't/drug companies are telling them they should do?



Is it that any of the above, or all the above. I don't know. Quite frankly I really don't care...I just hope that no one else has to feel the way I did on Monday. I am not giving up HOPE...I am FIGHTING...I am getting my body HEALED not by poison...I am not ready to die.  I see life in a whole new perspective. 



I will be monitored...but as of now I am on vacation from chemo...I am feeling a little bit better each day.  My color is better.  I have put on a few more pounds.  My hair is slowly starting to feel better. My girls are seeing that I feel better. I am living LIFE!



The down side to going more "natural" insurance doesn't always cover what I need...so that is what I have to let go and let God take control of.   



Until next time...as "RoseMarie" says...Just show up for life and let GOD do the rest! There truly is a reason why I am still here today. :)  Never give up and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.



People have messaged me asking what they can do and if I could share with others who want to help...well number one send me positive thoughts and prayers for an ultimate healing.  If you would like to donate...I say this...gift cards are the easiest-I must eat whole/ ORGANIC ( not trying to be a snot...but it is the protocol I have to follow)...so I shop at Whole Foods, Sprouts, or  Frys the most.  If I could physically go get a job today...I would...but I have to get myself healed!!! Other places for gift cards-Target, Walmart, or Visa ones...or I do have a paypal: and the email address for that is: missjamiesjourney@gmail.com

THANK YOU to all of you that have done so much for myself, and my girls over these past almost 2 years.  I am appreciative of everything you all have done!!! HUGS <3

one day at at time

This whole "c" thing seems to take a toll on me.  Some days are better than others...and some days I would rather run and hide.  I have gotten a lot of emails lately "checking on me"...true...I haven't been posting a lot lately...but there is a good reason.  Or should I say reasons...from starting this summer with a bang with taking girls to do whatever we can to make memories...to not such good times...I was scheduled for chemo last Monday...but God knows what is best...I ended up in the clinic last Saturday with a fever and some back and abdominal pains...one thing led to another and needless to say Tuesday I had 3 more stents placed in my "bile-duct area"...so was that the "procedure to take out the "C"???...no!

I will have to go back in 4 weeks to have these stents removed, the "C" burned out and more stents placed. 

How am I doing?  As good as one can be doing going through all this.  These "stent" procedures are usually 1 1/2 hours long...however my last 2 procedures have lasted over 3 hours and I end up staying inpatient.  All I can say is I take it one day at a time...the aftermath of these stents are causing a lot of spasms and it feels like someone is inside grabbing my intestines and twisting them into a big knot at times...but I'll try to keep a smile on my face...even in pain. 

I try to remain positive and stay focused on MY life...and what I need to do that makes ME happy.

It so frustrating and saddens me sometimes that when I log onto my social media sites there is negativity at times and how "bad" some one's life might be just because they don't get their way or they think they have such a bad life...well folks...I don't mean to come across rude...but put on your big boy or big girl undies and deal with it!  There are bigger battles to fight in life and mine is fighting to survive!!! 

Thank you to those that have been continuing to pray and believe in me that I will continue to stay strong and fight!

Until next time...fighting this battle one day at a time.

Introducing: Thursdays with Taryn

I had the honor of meeting one on one with David Tabatsky...co-author of Chicken Soup for the Soul's The Cancer Book...on Tuesday.  I have mentioned to most all my doctors that I blog...so "one" of my favorite doctors at CTCA arranged for me to meet with David.  He gave me a few suggestions what I can do...and one that made my face light up was quite obvious that I have to go for it. 

You see...my life has dealt a LOT with "C"...but I am also so much more than dealing with "C". I am Jamie. I am 36. I am a daughter, sister, aunt, and friend. More importantly I am a MAMA. 

My girls have had to deal with "C" also a lot of their lives watching me go through it all...from surgeries, chemo, radiation, blood draws, injections and so much more...but then again we have made so many other memories that don't involve that nasty "C". 

My girls are 2 very different little girls...anyone that truly knows my girls knows what I am talking about. Taryn is my gentle little lady...and Maesyn is my strong-willed little one.  Taryn loves to express herself through writing, and Maesyn although would rather be riding on a horse...she is also a very good artist. 

So this brings me back to the conversation I had with David...he made mention that why don't I have my girls be guest bloggers on my blog.  Thursdays with Taryn and Mondays with Maesyn.   There are no rules, limits, or stipulations...I have given the girls the opportunity to express themselves freely.  They can write 2 words, 2 paragraphs, 2 pages, or draw what is on their little minds.

We aren't just about dealing with "C"...we are about living the life that God has given us.  So without further delay...let me introduce you to someone extra special.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Hello! My name is Taryn . My family and friends sometimes call me "TT".  I am 11 years old and finishing my 6^th grade year of middle school.  I enjoy showing livestock, singing, dancing, soccer, playing my guitar,  gymnastics, and volleyball. Every Thursday I will be blogging. Let’s  begin…

THE SURVIVOR

So much depends

Upon

A Strong  cancer

Survivor

Coated with tears and

Poison

Beside the two

Little Girls.

 

One of my assignments in my writing class was to write a poem that  has a special meaning to you. I had a  hard time thinking about what I should do. So I told myself write about a survivor like my mom. So I picked up my pencil and started writing. And that’s what came out. A few  ways  I express my feelings is through writing, singing, and sports. -Taryn

 

 

I asked Taryn what was the meaning of her above passage was...she simply said...NGU (never give up).  There is more to being a strong survivor...going through chemo and all the tears...no matter what  you have your 2 little girls.  This my readers...is just a glimpse of my little TT.

Mama's Girls...

This post is dedicated to "my girls"

 Tonight we had a little impromptu photo shoot...pictures are worth a thousand words...and if I could I would cover every wall with pictures...

 



 

Taryn and Maesyn...this post is for you!!!

I know I write little "I LOVE YOUS"...and we do "our" things together...but I just want the world to know what I think about the 2 of YOU!!!  I know that our life hasn't always been peaches-n-creme...but let me tell you...this is OUR story.

No one else has walked in your shoes...no one has had to watch their Mama fight for her life like you 2...no one has had to tell their Mama see-you soon as many times as they go off to school and she (me) goes off to chemo...no one has had to see their Mama cry as she was scared for her life...no one else has had to "grow-up" like you 2 because of all life has thrown their way.

BUT...I can tell you this because of all the "crazy" stuff that we have had to go through...YOU 2 are strong little girls.  You continue to go through life as if we really aren't dealing with the "craziness"...

You go to school, you like showin' your pigs, riding horses, going to the water park, having a picnic at the park, riding your skate boards, riding our bikes together, shopping, para-gliding, our little mini-trips up North (which we are due for another one), walking down Grammy's lane together, taking an enormous amount of "selfies", jumping on the trampoline...then laying there at night as we gaze at the stars, having lots of sleep-overs because I guess your friends think you have a cool Mama-ha!
These are just to name a few...but whatever the day may be...we are ALWAYS making memories.

Today is Mother's Day...a Day to honor our Mom's...a day to recognize what "she" has done for us...I want to recognize the 2 that made me become a Mama...Yes, I am beyond thankful for MY Mama...but the 2 of you need to know what you mean to me.



Taryn Rae...YOU beautiful little girl were the first one that made me feel what it was like to love your own.  Some one that I carried for 9 months...someone that I would feel kick me for the first time...someone that would twist around in my tummy as I would drive my car and listen to music (maybe that's why you love music so much). 7-8-02 was such a glorious day as we welcomed you into the world.  I never knew what it meant when other's would say or refer to a "mother's love"...then you came along and I knew all to well what other Mamas were talking about.  You have brought so much joy into my life and continue to do so by being YOU.  You have the heart as big as the universe and a such an old soul that others only dream of having.  You are truly wiser beyond your years. 
I pray that God continues to guide you and protect you as growing up in today's world isn't the easiest...always keep your head held high, keep focused on what is right, know that you are loved...and always be YOU. Whether you become a singer/songwriter...or a doctor...I know you will be an awesome one.  I love you forever always! -Mama


Maesyn Lee...WOW! Where do I begin...my stunning little baby girl...I remember crying the night before I had you. Thought I could never love another as much as I loved your sister...but Grammy reassured me...that it just comes natural...and YES...I could love another just as much.  Well that much is for sure.  The minute you were born I was just as happy and in love as I was with "TT'...but you cried-ha...I knew you were going to be my strong-willed little one.  You were always so driven as to whatever you wanted...you were going to do or you were going to get. Ha! Who am I fooling...you still are! From being our animal-whisperer...to riding horses so fast around those barrels...from not accepting just an (A)...it has to be an (A+)...you are one determined little girl.  You have always wanted to be ahead of the game. You are quick-witted.  You have brought so much into my life...from near heart-attacks...to a heart that is so full of love from you.  You are a smart little girl...sometimes too smart. I pray that God always watches over you...guides you and gives you the direction in life that you'll always need.  Keep aiming high and I truly believe one day you will be that veterinarian that you dream of being...and not just any vet...but as you say...one for large animals.  Be you...always!  I love you to the moon and back 1000 times.-Mama


You BOTH make me one PROUD Mama!!!  Thank you for your unconditional love.

So as I mentioned that Mother's Day is about Moms...it is also about our kids.  Without you kids...there wouldn't be a reason to celebrate Mother's Day.



Many have seen people talk about heroes.  Some heroes wear capes, others might wear white-coats, some save people from burning buildings, some might pull your Mama over when she drives a little fast, some might teach you the ABCs or your 1-2-3s...but MY heroes wear braces...MY heroes are 2 little girls that call me Mama.  Yes, TT and Mae-Mae...you are MY heroes...without you life would be so boring...you are my reason to FIGHT...my reason to live.  Thank you for being YOU!!!

Until next time...kiss your babies and hug them tight...because they are only little for so such a short time.

I want to wish all you Mama's out there a Happy Mother's Day.  Continue to make a POSITIVE difference in your child(s) life...we are their role-models (or at least hopefully are).

"Mama was my greatest teacher, a teacher of compassion, love and fearlessness.  If love is sweet as a flower, then my mother is that sweet flower of love."-Stevie Wonder

May 11th

Today I know is Mother's Day...however May 11th has a VERY special meaning to me.  40 years ago today...2 VERY special people said, "I do".  Without these 2 people...I wouldn't be here today.  Although their life together was cut short here on earth, as my Dad passed at the age of 48...I know one day they will be reunited in Heaven. 

Yes, I know it has been 11 years since my Dad passed...but it seems like yesterday on some days...and on others it seems like 111 years ago. 

My Dad and Mom were examples to my Sister and I on how to love, and how to be loved. 

I am forever grateful for the love that they gave us, gave others, but more importantly gave each other. 

My heart aches for my Mom as I know she misses her "true-love"...but I know she is one tough little Mama. :) 

Until next time...remembering all the good times.



Didn't mean to...

Hello! Didn't mean to leave you all hangin' the other day with my stuff. :)  I met with the GI doctor after I had my chemo...Round #11...but who's counting?!  It was confirmed that the "narrowing"  I had that we thought might just be scar-tissue from the whipple...is actually a tumor that is causing the narrowing which has also caused me a GREAT deal of pain.  The dr doesn't believe it is something "new" however it has been there and the chemo has been keeping it at bay.  So good and bad...good that it has "stayed" there...bad that there is actually "C" in that area. 

So...the game plan everyone will be asking???  Chemo so far is staying the same...BUT...within the next 6 weeks I will be going to have a procedure that has only been used for the past 2 years.  Scary-yes.  Am I optimistic-yes!  They will go in and "burn" the tumor out and then replace these plastic stents with metal ones.  Yes there are risks to this procedure...but the benefits out-weigh the risks.  In fact straight out of Dr.K's mouth..."If you were my sister this is what I would do."

What can you do?  Continue to send positive thoughts and prayers my way...Pray that the stents I have in now will lasts until the procedure is scheduled and that I won't get any infections or any blockages. 

When I get "more" info on this procedure...don't you worry your pretty little heart...I will tell you all more about it.

I am sure once the day gets closer...I might be more nervous about the whole ordeal...but until then I am making memories with my girls and trying to live life to the fullest each day. 

Until next time...I am thankful for modern medicine.

Ryan

 

Not sure where to begin this post tonight...but I know one thing...there are days that I am grateful for how "C" has affected my life.  I know...weird to think that.  BUT...I am a stronger person, I live life a little more, and nothing is taken for granted.  HOWEVER...there are many days that I  truly dislike "C".  Today would be one of those days.  I asked the other night that you say a prayer for "Ryan" and his family...well he passed today.  When I received the text from my cousin to tell me...all I could do was bite my tongue and try not to cry.  I don't understand why another family has to go through the pain of losing a family member to this horrible disease.   My heart goes out to the "K" family and you are uplifted in prayers during this difficult time.   

 

 



Update...to this roller-coaster day

Back at center...word is...
The GI doctor does not feel it is "new"-progression.
Yes...there is still disease ("c") there...but it is NOT
new progression.
What ever the case maybe...I'm staying on same chemo
And I appreciate all your prayers. My heart is much
Lighter now...as a few hours ago I felt like I had been
Hit with a hammer.
Prayer is a powerful thing!!!
Until next time...I will continue on this journey...my life!

Last night I asked Why? Today...

Last night I made a post about asking WHY?  Today...I asked myself right now...do I keep quiet for a bit...or do I ask you to pray.  The answer was simple...I said a prayer and I ask that you do as well.

Let me explain.  My mind is going a million miles a minute...so please excuse my frazzledness...yes I know that is not a word...but I am going to use it.

As some of you know last week I had 2 more stents placed in my abdomen-in my "whipple" surgery area...boy did that hurt.  The doctors showed me the "area" they were "working with"...it looked like a strand of hair from the narrowing compared to the rest of the duct area that looked like an earth worm on the screen.  The question was...is the narrowing from the actual surgery and scar tissue...or was it in fact "C" that was causing the narrowing...

The doctors took a lot of biopsies and brushings of the area and sent it off to pathology...

Well fast forward 6 days...which would be today...and I arrived at CTCA for my scheduled appointments and round 11 of chemo...

HERE IS WHERE YOU NEED TO PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO WHAT I AM ABOUT TO SAY...YES I AM  SCREAMING-ha!

Well the biopsy report has come back and confirmed that my disease has progressed...YES...the biopsies confirmed the "area" showed "C". 

What does this mean??????????????

Well either one of 2 things...it may have been there for awhile or this is something new.  Question for the doctors to determine if the chemo has truly been working and I am to remain on that regimen or if they need to switch chemo to another one and go from there. 

My team of doctors are working together as I type this to determine what chemo I am to get. 

I have come home for a quick bit to take a deep breath and wait for the phone call as to when I am going to return today.  I left with them reassuring me and telling me I will be getting chemo today...just not sure exactly what at this point.

Questions you may be asking... Am I scared?-Honestly NO! I have been through the whipple surgery and more...this is just another punch I have taken and have my gloves up ready to keep fighting.

Am I a bit discouraged?-Yes...who wouldn't be...well lets be honest...as my dear friend and fighter Ted mentioned at CTCA yesterday when he got some discouraging news last week...he was pissed!  Well excuse me for what you are about to read...but I too am a little pissed at the moment.  NOT  at my team of doctors...but at the fact that "C" thinks it can keep doing this.

Have I told my girls?...NO!!! I dropped them at school before heading to CTCA and will talk to them this afternoon.

Is this horrible news? Yes-because I HATE "C" very bad at the moment...but NO-because God gave me another day to wake up and I know this too shall pass.

I am actually feeling a sense of peace as I continue typing this and realizing how grateful I am for my doctors that they did the ERCP last week for my stents...and not just that ...but they actually went further to investigate and this is how they found what they did. 

I ask that you continue to uplift not only my family and I in your prayers...but my team of doctors that they will be guided to what needs to be done.

Until next time...this girl may have gotten the wind kicked out of her a bit ago...but I am going to keep fighting as I always have been.

Tonight I ask...WHY?

I have often wanted to make a post like this...then I hesitate. I don't want one to think I am being "negative" or having doubts...but enough is enough!

What in the world am I talking about?  Well..."C"...those that have followed me know that I refer to that horrible, awful, no-good word...cancer as "C". I hate to even type out the 6 letter word.  No I am not being negative...nor am I giving up on my fight...but I will tell YOU all this...I am SICK and TIRED of hearing that word and how it is affecting so many people. 

Yesterday I was sitting at "Miss Amy's" funeral as she so courageously fought metastatic breast "C"...and then tonight I am hearing about my cousin's dear friend Ryan who is fighting so hard for his life as he too has been fighting "C".

When will it stop? What needs to change? What can we do?  How much more do we have to go through?  How come our families have to suffer so bad as they watch their loved ones fight for their life?  Why can't they CURE it?  Who will be next that has to fight this fight? 

These are all questions that many of us wonder and often ask ourselves...WHY? 

Well I am no scholar or claim to know everything about this horrible disease...but I do know this it changes EVERYTHING!  Some things it changes for the better...and some things it unfortunately changes for the bad. :(   I DO KNOW THIS...keeping positive all the time is sometimes difficult...but NEVER GIVE UP!!!  Attitude is everything as I remember my Grandma Marjy on some of her last days as she wore her "Never Give Up" shirt...it makes sometimes the hardest days...not so hard.

Please remember when you might be having a "bad" day...the person next to you might be fighting a battle...a battle to live...a battle to see tomorrow.

So I have a request: Please remember to keep Amy's family in your thoughts and prayers...and Ryan's family too...as he fights...Candi in your prayers as she lost her Mama to "C" on Easter...Ted whose marker #s have elevated. Gosh! Forget it...I can't keep on naming everyone lets just pray for all those that are fighting...and those families that are grieving the loss of their loved one. 

Until next time...I  still ask WHY?...but will remember  that "C" is a word...not a sentence!     

For You...Miss Amy





Last night I got a devastating email that really tugged at my heart strings...
I got the news that a fellow "fighter" didn't receive the news that they wanted to hear...
in fact the news isn't good at all.  But as I laid in bed and shed a lot of tears...all I could do was think of the song "There Will be a Day" by Jeremy Camp (video above).


I looked back at an email this *(see below) special person sent me about a month ago...it goes like this...

"Jamie you are an inspiration to me and I think of you often.  Thanks for talking with me, it reminds me that I'm not in this alone." 



Well what they might not realize is what an inspiration they are to me...and so many others. 



Thank you for being YOU. Miracles do happen and I believe that there will be a day when there will be NO more suffering. 



We love you and continue to lift you and your family up in prayer.



Until next time...praying for those fighting this battle.


*I wrote this blog post early today...and didn't want to "name" my fellow fighter...however more people are now aware of the situation and I think it is ok that I ask you all to pray and send positive thoughts to Miss Amy and her family. 

Miss Amy was my daughters dance teacher for a few years.  More importantly when I think of Amy I think of her infectious smile and her curly hair. 

More recently when I first learned of her diagnosis...I reached out and wanted her to know that she could call me any time...we could laugh, cry, or scream together as we were both fighting "C" and I was an "experienced" fighter having already fought breast "C"...

I then mentioned that my girls have truly been blessed to be able to attend "Kids Can Cope" and encouraged her to check it out for "N"...well my heart was happy when we walked out of the elevator and onto the 3rd floor headed to "class" and there sat Miss Amy's aunt as she brought N there for Kids Can Cope. 

Know that you are loved so very much Miss Amy and again...Thank you for being YOU!

Been a little bit...

http://www.kpho.com/video?clipId=10019411&autostart=true

The above link is from an interview I did last week. It aired today on our one of our local channels. The Pancreatic Cancer action network-Purple Strides event will take place this Sunday, April 6th  downtown Phoenix.  I will be the SURVIVOR speaker.
Come out and show your support.

So it's been a little while...as some of you are aware I was having SEVERE and I can't stress how severe the pain was. On a scale of 0-10...I would rate it a 15. It was similar to "back labor" for those women that have experienced child birth. The pain would start in my lower back and radiate to my abdomen.

Well for someone going through what I am going through the doctors first thought is oh no...this is "C" that we were dealing with. We'll after several scans and being monitored...it was determined that is was not more "c"...instead issues from the whipple surgery.

So my GI doctor along with his associate took me in for an ERCP and placed a stent in my "surgical" area where there was some narrowing. I'm a proud patient to say my doctor is very intelligent and the pain (knocking on wood now) has not come back.

I have since gone on and received more chemo...Monday was #9.  If all goes as planned I will have 3 more cycles. I am kickin "C" and reflecting on all that I have been through to this date. I am proud to and think I have the right to say this...I am a SURVIVOR...I am still fighting...but I am seeing the light at the end of this curvy tunnel.

My girls are doing well...they keep me fighting and I know they are truly my little angels.  I can't wait for a year from now to look back and think Wow! That was a crazy time in our lives...but we are survivors because of it.  It's the little things in life that we go through that make us who we are.

I am so grateful for my friends and family that have stood with me...and my Faith for keeping me strong.   Thank you again for being with me on my journey...the one I like to call life.

Until next time...I am seeing lots of purple and ready for the weekend.

Here's to MORE birthdays

 I think this song fits me pretty well. Some people would say I have been to (excuse the term) heck and back...and some days that is what I feel like...but I am a RISER! I am a get out-aliver...I am a SURVIVOR.  All the "stuff" I have had to endure this past decade or so...has made me a STRONGER person and who I am today. Because of all the "stuff" I feel I can conquer a LOT...most people would have given up by now. They would have thrown in the towel...but I keep getting the punches coming my way...and get right back up and come back at life 10x greater. 



Today marks a special day...at 10:43 am AZ time...I will officially be 36 years old.  Birthdays to me just are not about marking another day off the calendar, or opening gifts, or eating desert...it means so much more.  It is a mile stone that I made it on this earth another year. That I have conquered another 365 days...that I have made at least 365 more memories with my girls...that I have lived to continue to tell my story. 



My life is constantly changing...each day is a new day. Yesterday is just that...it was the past...today is a beautiful day...and pray that tomorrow will be just as beautiful...BUT it all depends on how we look at life.  We can sit around and play the pity-party negative game...or we can dust off our boots and conquer each day with a smile on your face and a song (hopefully happy) in your heart. 



So here's to many more birthdays!



Until next time...I am thankful God has given me the strength to deal with all I have been dealt with...and continue to live life each and every day to the fullest.  (even if I now have to check my blood sugars and give myself insulin injections-ha!)



ps...oh yes...I am now a TYPE 1 Diabetic...but I am not going to post about that to ruin my bday-mojo. :)

For the Record...Positivity Please!

I shouldn't have to write this post...nor should I feel like I have to...but I am! Caution I use the "C" word a lot...I am going to make my point VERY clear to some. (or at least try to)
I blog because I enjoy writing...I want to share my story with others...I want others to know that CANCER is a WORD...NOT a sentence. I know there will always be the few that might disagree or have their opinions...but your negativity is nothing compared to all the positivity that I am around or receive.  I get comments left on my blog...and out of probably 40 comments...I will have 1 that isn't so "positive".

Let me set something straight for the record. NO 2 CANCER stories are alike. Heck my paternal Grandma, Aunt, 2 great aunts, maternal Grandfather, his sister my great aunt, and my Mom have ALL had CANCER...and guess what NONE of our stories are anywhere similar. In fact they are so far from each other that it isn't even worth comparing. Why does this matter...CANCER IS CANCER...this I do know. 

But guess what...statistics are just that...NUMBERS.  We could be driving down the interstate and lose our lives tomorrow...we don't know when are time has come...but reality is we all die some day...whether you believe in after we leave this earth and live on forever or not is up to you...

I got a comment that had a LOT of "negativity" in it...sorry that you wasted your time typing it all...but last time I checked I have NEVER gotten a "sentence" from the doctor saying I only have such and such amount of time left on this earth. In fact...I have beaten so many odds that everyone just smiles and shakes their head in disbelief.  

Ways I have "beaten the odds"...
*Survived stage 3 aggressive Breast Cancer at the age of 27
*was a candidate and SURVIVED the whipple surgery
*Have Survived being a single Mama while fighting cancer
*Survived 47 radiation treatments to date with breast and pancreatic CANCER treatments
*Have Survived 4-A/C treatments and 4-taxol treatments
*Have Survived 35 days of continuous 5FU treatments and counting
*Have Survived 10 Gemzar treatments
*Have Survived 6 oxaliplatin treatments and counting
-Do you see the pattern? I am SURVIVING!   What was it that you had to say?... Ha!

I am sorry some must be so miserable and find it necessary to make others lives miserable...saying that I am hiding so much...well those that LOVE me and KNOW me can attest that I am probably one of the most positive people you'll ever know and I live life each and every day!

I don't focus on everything "bad" that has happened in my life...because if I did I would be 6 feet under...I have a purpose on this earth.

As for my girls they absolutely know what LOVE is...how to love...and how to be loved. They too haven't had the easiest last couple of years...but don't you all worry about them...for those of you that do NOT know...they have been in coping class with other kiddos of parents that have been going through CANCER too.  Those that have followed by journey from step one had the opportunity to see the post with the video of my girls being so brave as they were interviewed and made most adults look like little pieces of bread crumbs scattered on a restaurant floor.

So moral of this crazy post is this...Yes, I blog for a reason...do I share everything with complete random strangers...ummm no! There is a limit as to how far I will go...you can read my book one day with all the other juicy details.  Until then...remember I human...I am a mom...I have beat CANCER once-I am BEATING it again...I don't need to hear the statistics or how my story is just like someone else's and how they lost their battle.  I will only accept positive comments :)  so other than that...don't waste your energy...life is too short. 

Did you know...for those "worried" about statistics that 1 out of 2 men and 1 out of 3 women will develop cancer in their lifetime.  Pretty depressing, huh?  What are YOU doing to prevent it? Eat healthy, live positive, and be YOU! Check yourself...be proactive. Trust your gut...get a 2nd opinion if need be. (Thank goodness I did!)

Just so YOU know..those that DON'T know me...I was inpatient one day for test/labs...and paragliding the next with one of my fave doctors...yep! That's how I roll. See... I am living my life...and although I don't feel like 100% everyday...I give each day 110%.

So until next time remember this...until you've walked in my shoes...I guess I can honestly say-don't judge! I am an open book...when I have something to say...don't YOU worry...I will say it! 

No Chemo Today!

Hello! Its been a little bit...

Some of you know that I was in the hospital for a short time getting my labs checked and scans to go with...I was having severe and I mean severe abdominal pain.  My labs were kinda all crazy and more concerning my liver enzymes were really high-above 500+.  So all my doctors were concerned and did a ct scan, an ultrasound, and then an mri. They really didn't show anything significant...but they wanted to make sure I didn't have some sort of blockage from the whipple. Although it has been over a year...there can still be complications down the road so being proactive is always important.

Today I showed up to get my port accessed and to begin all the steps to a "normal" chemo day...once I was checked in by the nurse they sent in the med-onc doctor's "assistant" and she informed me that Dr.K wants me to follow up with my GI doctor before proceeding with the next round of chemo. Which makes sense :)  Good news that I got today was that my liver enzymes went from high 500s down to 100s...still a tad high...but I will take it!!! 

I will wait for the center to call me with my appointment and we will go from there as to when my next chemo will be. No worries!

So another lesson after today is a reminder that...everything happens for a reason!

Until next time...(sorry to you out of state people) I am outside enjoying the nice Arizona sunshine. Toodles!

My Aunt Pam

I have been wanting to blog about my Aunt...but the time just wasn't right. I knew this day was coming sooner than later and although it is a sad time...it is also a glorious time knowing who she is going to meet. 



For those of you that do not know...my Aunt has been battling dementia for a few years now.  She took a fall a few weeks ago...and fractured her arm.  Once she was taken to the hospital and examined...it was determined that she had metastatic breast cancer. 



Once my cousins and my Uncle were given the news...they were also given the prognosis and a "time-frame".  Hospice was then called in.



I was fortunate enough to be able to visit her while she was still in the hospital 2 weeks ago. Although she did not know who I was...as I began to leave...I rubbed her hand, kissed her forehead and told her...I Love You.  She replied, "Bless your heart" with all the smile that she could give me. 



I know that she has missed her parents, and her brothers...I know that they will all be together again.  As sad as the situation may be...I was reminded by my youngest today as I shed my tears...just this..."Mama, you know what...she's not in pain anymore".  I shook my head yes...I know!



My aunt wanted everyone to get an education...and to better them selves. 



She wasn't just "my aunt"...she was also a teacher to many. In fact my worst year of elementary school was in 4th grade...not because I hated going to school...but the fact that my aunt was my teacher and wanted me to be best-well it gets better...I also smashed the class pet (on accident) that year...and as sad and upset as I was...she told me this..."Jamie Renae...it is ok! stop your crying and get back into class, you know Dessia (a childhood friend) stepped on the gerbil the year before..."



My aunt leaves behind my Uncle Rex, her sons Jim & his wife Amy, Clint & his wife Sheridan and 7 amazing grand kids.



I am grateful for the good memories I have with my Aunt Pam from the shopping trips we use to take, the Christmas Eve parties at her house...to the good times in 4th grade :)



Until next time...keeping my Family in my prayers as losing someone is never easy. 

Right is Right

Over the past few years I have often wondered how one can think "wrong is right"...and that "right is wrong"...I can't believe some people at times...this world that we live in. It saddens me to see the way people live. The way that others treat people.  The way that they go about their day like nothing is wrong. 

It bothers me that people are so at ease just to throw so much away...whether it is a good job, their homes, their family, or their life. I am not talking about people that have come into hardships...I am talking about those that are able to change...or able to live the life and they simply don't care.  What is wrong with our society today?  Years ago it was that everyone cared...nowadays that isn't the case so much. What happened to doing the right thing?

I once knew a person that would get irate when I wasn't "loyal" to them because I wouldn't take their side...and I would respond to them by saying...when you are doing something I don't believe in or don't agree with...I don't care who you are...call me what you will...but I know right is right and wrong is wrong. It isn't about being "loyal" it is about being an honest human being and standing up for what you believe in and what you know is right.

Well all I can say is this...Thank you to my Dad and Mom for raising me in a home that was filled with unconditional love...a home where we believed in God...worked for what we had...and knew right from wrong.

Until next time...recognize that being "loyal" is one thing...and doing right is another. 

I am seeing...RED

 You all know my blog is not just for me to talk about my journey with "C"...but my life in general.  So with that being said...Tomorrow (FEB. 7th) is wear red day for raising awareness for congenital heart defects. I have the perfect t-shirt that I will be wearing...I will have to make sure my hair and makeup look good so I can post some pictures.-ha!   So show your support...throw on a red scarf, wear some red shoes, tie a red bow in your hair, etc...I am wearing my RED heart-shirt for my cousin Kohl...who has been going heart-strong and is 21 years old, little Corben, Hunter, and Gigi.    

I can remember going to the ICU on several occasions when Kohl would be in the hospital for months at a time which seemed like eternity...now looking back I can't believe its been so many years ago.  Kohl underwent heart surgery at  3 days old and then again at 3 months old.  I am so proud of who he has become. I know life isn't always easy dealing with heart issues and having to be on medications for it...but he keeps his head held high and has become very successful.

So don't forget and lets wear our RED to support those that have dealt with CHD and those that are going through it now. Keep up the fight!  


Until next time...Hope to see LOTS of RED tomorrow.  Lets make a difference and spread the word! <3

Feb 5th...11 years later.

"If Tomorrow Never Comes"

Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes

 

 

"If Tomorrow Never Comes"..Garth Brooks sang this song and it was actually one of my Daddy's favorite songs.  He would sing this to us often, along the "The Dance" sang by Garth as well.  I think these lyrics sum up a lot. 

 

My Daddy never missed the opportunity to tell us or show us that he LOVED us...there wasn't a day that went by that he didn't say these three simple words...I LOVE YOU.  He not only told us...but he proved it by all that he did. 

 

He was a man of honor and respect.  He was a man that didn't know a stranger.  He was a man that stood up for what was right.  He was a man that believed in making a difference. He was a man that gave the BEST hugs.  He was a man that would give you the shirt off his back.  He was a man that loved my Mama.  He was a man that loved his family.  He was a man that worked many hours for his fire district.  He was a man of FAITH.  He was a man that was loved by so many.  He was a man that wore many coats...from farmer to fire chief.  But most importantly...this man was my DADDY. 

 

I still can't believe that it has been 11 years since I last heard him tell me on that Wednesday afternoon of Feb. 5, 2003...that he would see us for dinner and ended it with...I LOVE YOU.  To the someone that told me it gets easier after you lose a loved one...you lied!  (Daddy always hated liars-ha!)  It has not gotten easier. In fact some days get harder as the days turn into weeks...weeks into months...and months turn into years.  I just find ways to cope with the loss of my Daddy...but let me tell you...it's NOT easy. 

 

He rode out that Wednesday afternoon on his fire-engine red "special fire-fighter edition" Harley...never to return home...instead to meet our dear Lord. 

 

I know he has continued to be with us...just wish I could get at least a few more hugs.  His hugs were the best!!! 

 

Until we meet again...Thinking of you today and always.  Thank you for being the BEST Daddy anyone could ask for.  Thank you for being my HERO. Thank you for being YOU!

 

Until next time...tell that someone that you love...just what you're thinking of...
If tomorrow never comes.

 

Happy Feb People

Did you all see this commercial during that BIG football game everyone is talking about? Ha! I can honestly say I really didn't watch the Superbowl game...but my sister sent me a text asking if I saw this commercial?



Tomorrow...FEBRUARY 4th is WORLD CANCER DAY.  So what can YOU do??? Change your profile pictures on facebook, instagram, twitter, etc to PURPLE...many of you have "JAMIE" ribbons/support  as your profile pictures...thank you!!! Can I ask you all a favor??? Those of you that don't have some kind of PURPLE as your pics...change them for tomorrow!!! Show your support for those that are fighting, those that will have to fight, and those that we have lost because of this battle.



So many of you know "my life"...but those of you that do not...let me get you up to date.  I had a scan last week...and my tumor markers were drawn again.

*scan shows that chemo is WORKING...no new "areas of concern", etc...PTL!!!

*tumor markers came down by 119 points.  Yes...it is still high...however it is coming down and my team of doctors were VERY happy to say the least.



My medical oncologist said something like this..."I was seriously getting worried since your markers kept increasing...but now with the scans and your numbers coming down I am very pleased...we will keep doing what we are doing".  I responded "You and me both...I was getting worried also".   Then off to chemo I went.  Round #5 was successful...7 more rounds to go. 



On another note...there are some of you that know this and many others that don't. I debated on sharing this...but I know that more prayers are needed for what I am about to share.  In regards to this commercial above...it really hit me hard. Listen to the lyrics of this song.  I sat there and thought wow!  I have been a "single"...legally married mama to 2 little girls and fighting cancer. I have not had my husband around since Sept. 2012...I have been fighting with the help of my FAMILY and my very dear FRIENDS and my FAITH which has kept me going.  Yes...I have ALL 3...actually its more like this now...FAITH, FAMILY, FRIENDS. FOCUS, FIGHT, FUTURE. (Thanks Miss J)



I never imagined that while fighting cancer and going through chemo that I would be served with divorce papers...but yes...I was. Yuck...I hate that "D" word.  I know...impeccable timing-not!  I have to chuckle because I think to myself this is just lovely.  Then on the other hand I think some people forget that I am a VERY tough girl...so I am thankful for this time and can't wait to write this very interesting chapter into my book. 



I am not going to sit here and bash "him" or "her"...they aren't worth me wasting my precious time...all I can say is many people should remember the golden rule :)  It's pretty simple...do unto others as you would have them do unto you. 



I now have 2 battles on my plate...what some have forgotten is that I have a pretty big plate...I think it is also metal plated by now-ha!  This is just another bump in the road that I like to call...MY LIFE. 



THANK YOU to those that have been with me since day one of this journey...those that have heard my story and support me...those that are strangers that are inspired...and to those "few" that read my blog...praying that you will make a difference someday.



Until next time remember this...Your beliefs don't make you a better person...your behavior does! BE GOOD. DO GOOD.

Where are YOU from?

I am amazed by all the new supporters that I run into, get emails from, or actually have friends and family see them wearing "Jamie" shirts and the random strangers assure them that they have been praying for me...because they have followed my story from my blog. 

Well again today I received more awesome comments and even one from Canada -Thanks A. :)
So I was thinking it would be fun to see where all of my followers are from...It would actually kind of be fun to see how far my story is reaching.  From California to Indiana to Florida and in between to out of the US. 

So how about this...comment below and let me know where you are from...and perhaps how you became a follower.  This will be fun...I will then make another post and let everyone know. 

I have an average of about 1500 readers for every post...so lets see how many of YOU will respond? :)

Ready, Set, Go...

Until next time...Thank you all again for your continued support and prayers. xo

Songs...will YOU pray?

Many of you know that I relate a lot of  "my life" to songs...I think I will start sharing at least a song a week to let you know what I am relating "my life" to maybe at a particular time.

Well with that being said...I have contemplated on whether or not I should mention this...but instead of sitting here and worrying for the next 2 weeks...I am coming to ALL of YOU. I am asking that you pray...and pray some more. You share this blog on and get more people to pray.

As you all know I have to get my labs taken before I start any chemo.  They are concerned with my blood counts making sure they are high enough to receive chemo. Along with my complete blood count...they are interested in checking my liver function and of course my "tumor-marker" my CA19-9.

You are all mostly aware of the reason why I went for a "2nd opinion"...that was the fact that my CA19-9 kept creeping up...a little at a time...but it has been creepin. Which I really haven't shared this...because "some" will  talk and I don't need the negativity...I ONLY need positive vibes and people in my life that truly care...those that are here to help me, pray for me, send me texts from the heart, emails that mean so much, cards in the mail, surprise gifts in the mail, and phone calls that brighten me day. (Believe me...I appreciate them all...you'll never know how much you all mean to me.)

I have to remind you that when I was first diagnosed back in November 2012 the CA19-9 was at 1617.  The "normal" should be under 36.  So ummmm yea...that is a concern...well then I had the WHIPPLE and my counts dropped to 121.  I began chemo and radiation and it bounced around back to over 1000 and then back to the hundreds...then as low as 54...but it started to climb...and has been climbing for a handful of months now.

My count as of yesterday is at 471.  My awesome team of doctors mentioned at my last treatment 2 weeks ago that if this round showed an increase still...scans would be ordered.  Well as you can see...they are elevated...so in 2 weeks I will have had 2 months worth of this "go-round" of chemo...so I will have a PET scan prior to round 5...yes, on the same day even...we will determine if there is...DON'T even want to say this "C" anywhere else...and if this regime of chemo is what is best for me.

NO...this isn't a "I am giving up" post...instead it is a "I am a bit discouraged" hoping that this chemo is what I need to be doing since it has been so brutal on my body.  I am posting this because I know I have a TEAM behind me that prayers, cares, and loves me...I need YOU all more than ever to send me positive vibes and prayers.  I need to feel at peace these next 2 weeks as I am dealing with this round of chemo and "trying" to get the what-ifs out of my mind...before I have another PET scan. 

 I pray that this is what I need to be doing... I pray that God continues to give me strength as I deal with this fight...I continue to pray for my babies that they continue to be strong as they are 2 of the toughest little girls you'll meet...I continue to pray for my doctors that they are so knowledgeable and never lose hope on me...I pray for my family and friends that are watching me fight this battle...I pray for a CURE!

Until next time...I will remind myself of this...I can. I will.  Phil.4:13

By the Grace of God...

For those of you that truly know my "situation"...you know it has NOT been an easy one.  I am not just dealing with my "C" stuff...but all the stuff that comes along with being a "single" Mama raising 2 little beauties that I call mine.  This song speaks a lot...one day I looked in the mirror and decided to stay...well I never left...I have been here raising my girls and trying to do the best that I can with what I have.  All that life has thrown my way has only made ME a much stronger person. Thankful for the Grace of God that has kept my feet one in front of the other and been with me through it all.

New Year's...Thanks

I just wanted to say Happy 2014...Sorry I haven't blogged for a few weeks...I rang in the New Year by getting some extra fluids at the clinic.  I had round 3 on the 30th...9 more to go...but who is counting right?! ha! 

This chemo is BRUTAL...yes I have been told that now by most of my doctors and several of my nurses.  It is harsh...my side effects include nausea pretty much all the time...and then some neuropathy in my fingers. BUT...it hasn't stopped me from being me! :)

I continue to pray that my nutrition will keep going in the right direction.  With the change of my pancreatic enzymes by my GI doctor...I actually put on 4 pounds-whoo hoo! So for the most part on my "off" chemo weeks I store up the pounds like a bear going into hibernation...because on my "on" chemo weeks...that is a different story.   Can I just say I can ONLY drink so much "ROOM-TEMPERATURE" liquids for so long then it becomes YUCK!!!! UGH...enjoy your ICE-drinks...you never know how good they are till you can't have them.

Moving on...I just want to say THANK YOU to ALL of you that made our Christmas extra special and the burden of everyday things a little easier. I  would love to give a little shout out to the following people/companies/schools...however I know some of you dear people would rather be
"anonymous" and I will keep it that way.

However I want to recognize a few...sorry!

*Nancy E and all her angel Friends/family
*Yuma Lutheran School
*Carrie U, Sage, Kandice and all those that took part/helped at the Holiday Boutique
*Morgan Stanley Employees
*Ted B and friends
*"D" Family
*Dr P and family
*Superior Show Pigs and all the Yuma peeps

So if knowing that I have an ARMY of prayer warriors and supporters behind me wasn't enough...I received 2 special little envelopes tonight from "Miss Pammy"-my Mama.  For those of you that don't already know my Mama has directed the preschool at her church for 30 years now...well when she returned from Christmas break she had something waiting for her...that was to be given to me.

2 of her former students now elementary students...had a lemonade stand for me.  So I want to say THANK YOU to sweet Lili and Camryn for thinking of me, too!   You 2 are very special and it just goes to show you that no matter how YOUNG or how OLD you may be...YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE.  Thank you to their sweet families for raising such kind hearted little girls.

Well with that being said...it is just another day for me to be THANKFUL to be able to be ALIVE, BLOG, and enjoy being a MAMA. 

I am not setting any "New Years Resolutions"...instead I am just living each day to the fullest. I do plan to blog more though...continue to "work" on my book...and to take life one day at a time...because we all know we do not know what tomorrow may bring.

I ask that you continue to pray for my strength...the will to keep fighting (which I know I have)...the ability to continue to eat (all things really taste-GROSS)...and that my body stays strong as my treatments continue on. I can. I will.

Continue to pray for those still fighting the fight...praise God for those that have won the fight and uplift those family members that have lost love ones to the fight.

Until next time...I am Thankful for the little things...which we know are NOT things!








For those that have asked...please use the following info for mailing. Thank you so much!!!

Jamie Daniels

PO BOX 5373

Goodyear, AZ 85338