Sunday, December 29, 2013

Since the whipple...

I was diagnosed with Pan-Can on 11-30-12 then on 12-28-2012 I was waking up in the ICU at Good Sam...after having a VERY long surgery. So yesterday marked ONE year ago...365 days that I had 1/2 my pancreas, part of my small intestine, and part of my stomach removed...to remove the "C". This surgery known as the "Whipple" or officially known as the pancreaticduodenectomy. (yes say that 10 times)  

For those of you that have followed my story, or know me personally...know that I "BARELY" researched anything on the web about this life-changing surgery. I had NO idea what it was literally all about.  I had no idea I would be in the ICU with one nostril having an NG tube up it and the other a feeding tube...for 10 days to be exact.  Wow don't wish that feeling upon anyone and pray  I never have to experience that again.  This definitely was not one of my more favorable memories. 

I remember being so loopy from my surgery and the RN asking/telling me that when the time was right to let her know so she could get me up to walk.  I laughed out loud...literally and said no time is better than NOW.  I remember getting up out of that bed and walking around the nurses station which seemed like the length of a  football field.  The nurses were so amazed that they were seriously cheering me on.  They couldn't believe I had just undergone that surgery and was walking like what was the big deal.-ha!

I had the some of the best nurses possible as I have mentioned in previous posts...they were there to lift me up, control my unbearable pain, help with my nausea, and talk to me when I so badly missed my baby girls.

I finally got the "ok" days after my surgery that I could see my babies in the side waiting room outside of the ICU doors.  It took ALL that I had to walk from my room to see them as they sat there with eyes as big as saucers as they scoped out all the tubes that were hooked up to me.  I could feel my eyes begin to swell up with tears and I would nod to my mom that it was time to take them home.  I  was emotional and couldn't bare to see them watch me cry as I missed them oh so much.  I love face-timing...don't get me wrong.  But there were nights that I would hide under the sheets and my girls were only able to see my eyes...because it was so hard for me to show them what I was faced with.  I would hit the "end" button and just sit in my room for many of the 10 nights and cry...yes I would cry. This tough girl has a soft-side and all these emotions were coming to the surface. 

At that time I still didn't know my "stage" of "C"...I didn't know what treatments I would undergo...or what the next steps in my life would be. 

All I knew at that moment was that Dr. Koep and Dr. Brink had Faith in their specialty and believed in me...they knew that I had "age" on my side...and if at all possible they were going to remove the "C".  I look back now and have often read and re-read the surgery report from this surgery.  They truly put all that they had into "saving" me.  They were VERY optimistic.  I am grateful and still get choked up even as I type this when I think of these 2 guys...Thank you Heavenly Father for these 2...for these doctors that are literal life-savers.

Then once I was able to "eat" they handed me the "Whipple-Diet Menu"...oh boy! Was that appetizing.  Lots of broth, then yogurt, jello, soup, oatmeal, mashed potatoes...yep that's pretty much all I ate for about a month. I thought that I really should put together a post-whipple surgery cook-book. You can only eat the same food over and over until it really becomes gross. 

The picture is about 2 days post-surgery...my scar is so much prettier now :)  Now that it has healed...it looks like an upside down Nike Swoosh...so as they say "Just do it"...that is my constant reminder as I look in the mirror each day.  For this fight...I can and I will do it! 

So I guess you can say honestly that I have really been through a lot...but if it had not been for a successful whipple surgery...I am afraid to think of the outcome.  I will continue to keep on keepin' on. I want others to know that having this surgery if you are a candidate is life changing yes...but it is  eventually tolerable.




Thank you for believing in me Dr. Brink and Dr. Koep...this girl may be still fighting to SURVIVE...but she is ALIVE because of YOU!

If you are ever in my shoes with having to undergo the Whipple...you MUST find a doctor that has performed several of these surgeries and specializes in such a life altering surgery.  PLEASE do your research when it comes to your doctors!!!

Until next time...enjoy the little things in life...and remember the most important are NOT things. 

*Sorry if the picture is too graphic for some...but another crazy side note...I remember being "loopy" that night of surgery and I demanded that my aunts and my mom take pictures of me...it was then that I knew I wanted to document my journey with pictures to go along with my story.  As they say...Pictures are worth a-thousand words.

Continue to pray...tomorrow is round #3 of chemo. I can. I will.


Wednesday, December 25, 2013

One-Year Blogversary


So ONE year ago today..."missjamiesjourney" was launched.  I didn't have a set goal for myself...other than I knew I wanted to get my story out there and to be able to make a difference.  I wanted to be able to document my journey with "C"...being a mama...and just "life" in general.

So much has happened over this past year...from having my whipple surgery after first being diagnosed...going through radiation and chemo...changing the way I ate-testing what I could and could not tolerate...thinking my "fight" was coming to a victory...then being "re" diagnosed with the PAN-CAN going on a wild field trip to my liver...starting with a new facility that has been amazing...to starting chemo yet again. 

I can sit here and type and think that it seems like yesterday that a certain someone had sat my girls down to say, "You know your Mama probably won't be here for next Christmas"...No we did not know my prognosis...but I thought WOW!...not something I wanted my girls to get in their little minds...from that moment I thought to myself...just YOU watch!   So I couldn't help but to make this weeks phrase be:



We don't have time clocks on ourselves that say on such and such day...you will no longer walk this earth...or at a certain age, life is over.  We don't know what each day brings us...that is why we live life to the fullest...try to make a difference and try to be best possible.  I...like most of you don't live with a crystal ball predicting my future...but I CAN promise you this...I will keep fighting each and everyday until I have conquered "C" once and for all.

Please keep praying as I know this journey would be different if I didn't have the FAITH, my FAMILY and FRIENDS to love and support me and the will to SURVIVE. 

Thank you for being part of my journey and continuing to support me.  Please continue to share my blog with others...I know that when I set out to start this blog...I was crossing my fingers to reach a few hundred people...but when I see that my blog as of today has 70,000 hits...that is exciting. 

I believed I could...I did...and I look forward to MANY more Christmas memories with my girls.

Until next time...Merry Christmas and THANK YOU for standing in my corner as I battle "C". 


In case you missed it:

FIRST POST:
http://missjamiesjourney.blogspot.com/2012/12/where-it-all-began.html

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

What we want- For Christmas...

While many of you are busy Christmas shopping and checking off the lists of what everyone wants or thinks that they need...I can't sit here but to think of this..

All I want for Christmas is a CURE...a CURE so that no one else would have to go through the "C" diagnosis, the not-knowing stage, the waiting for scans & lab work, the treatments and all the side effects that go along with the treatments, watching our loved-ones ache as their hearts break as we have to go through all that we have to endure.

Tonight is a MUCH better night than last night...this chemo is pretty harsh...but I know it is doing its job.  I only wish the nausea (and vomiting-yesterday) would disappear.  I am able for the most part to tolerate everything...but yesterday afternoon was another story. After some bags of fluid, and anti-nausea meds directly put into my port...I was feeling much better.  Fingers crossed that I won't feel like that anytime soon.

I have been doing ok...but tonight was a reminder as I tucked T into bed...she looked up and said, "Mama you have to go through 2014 with your treatments, huh?!" My heart broke as I simply answered..."Yes, baby...and we are going to get through this!"   If only I could twitch my nose and have round #12 over and done with. 

I keep holding onto that HOPE...that I know I can and I will get through this battle.  But until I see the light at the end of this tunnel...I am allowed to shed a few tears...tonight a few more...as I checked on both my babies as they lay peacefully asleep.  I thank God that he granted me another day to be their Mama and I look forward to the days that I will feel amazing...and that we can close this chapter of our life story and onto the next chapter with many more happy moments. 

Keep the positive thoughts, love, and prayers headed our way.  We appreciate them all!!!

Until then...we will cherish all that we have...which more importantly is each other! All we really want for Christmas is...a CURE!

Monday, December 16, 2013

H.O.P.E.



So over a year ago...Sweet S tried to get me to go to CTCA...I don't like change.  I was content as to where I was going for my treatments and didn't want to ruffle any feathers.  And so life went on...
until one day VERY recently I was going through my closet and all of the sudden this silver- pin fell to the floor right before my eyes.

Jrenae Daniels's photo.

I thought to myself for a minute that it was a reminder that there is ALWAYS...HOPE.  But I didn't think too much more about it.  Because I was "fine"...until...

I was ordered to have a CT scan by my "previous" med-onco office since my CA19-9 kept increasing.  After several calls to get the results and then the call on a late Friday afternoon stating: "There are areas of concern and something on your liver...but don't worry! We have to get your order CT scan to compare...BUT... Have a good weekend!" 

Go back 4 days prior to the above phone call and I had left from getting my CT scan and Miss R a RN-school classmate had sent me a text inviting me to lunch with her for that day. I showed up wearing a V-neck shirt which she could see my port. Next thing  I know she casually ask me when the last time I had my port accessed.  I kinda chuckled, "Oh you know when I last finished Gemzar about 3 months ago." Let's just say Miss R about chocked on her lunch and about fell out of her chair as she said, "WHAT?!...you need that accessed about every 4 weeks". 

Here is where my life changed...out of her mouth came the words..."WHY DON'T YOU COME TO CTCA?"...I shrugged my shoulders and she was determined to get me to talk to the right person to see how I could become a patient there.

I didn't realize how important this CHANGE (yes sometimes scary) could/would be.

I filled out the necessary paperwork, spoke with the intake RN and the ball got rolling faster and faster.  I was a "new" patient there from the time I met Miss R for lunch it was less than a week later... until I was meeting all my NEW team of doctors and nurses to getting the necessary test ordered.

As I was getting done with my PET scan at CTCA the "previous" office was leaving a message on my phone saying "Everything was Ok!  Any questions that I could give them a call"...at this point I had the biggest knot in my stomach...I kept thinking if I had "stayed" there...what would be the outcome? :(

I knew that I had made the most life-changing decision and that was to go elsewhere and actually determine why my CA19-9 kept increasing and possibly why I had been so tired which I had mentioned to the doctor and the reason was always: "It will take your body time to heal".

I am forever thankful to Miss R and her giving me that push to seek the answers to MY health.  If you can't be an advocate for yourself...have someone do it for you.

I knew I was at the right place NOW...when on the day of being diagnosed with "Met-Pan-Can"...Dr.K's nurse manager called me into her office to get my schedule and as I am walking away she says...
"Jamie...You've got this!"   It was at that moment that through the tears...I realized YES...I can do this...again!

I feel there is always HOPE and being at CTCA has reassured me that there truly is!

I enjoy being treated like a patient...and not just some random lottery drawing number.  I have been given the opportunity to do things that will heal my whole body and not just trying to shove chemo down my port and then onto the next step...instead I am getting my chemo...having acupuncture (for my nausea and neuropathy)...having a weekly massage (yes they do that there too)...having my labs drawn for everything that can affect my well-being (etc.vitamin levels,too)...the list goes on and on. 

I am fortunate that I am able to be a patient there and wish I would have taken the advice of Miss S over a year ago...but like I said change is sometimes a scary thing...but it is a GOOD thing!

Until next time...I am gearing up for round #2 of chemo in just a few short hours...continue to pray as I continue to FIGHT...and certainly will ALWAYS hold onto HOPE!

Thursday, December 12, 2013

So what did you do today? I went...



Yes that is me!
 
I have always had a thing for flying...from the moment I said my first few words...I was flying with my Dad in his Cessna.  Landing on the farm fields, flying to California, Colorado and a few Arizona trips...not to count all the local fly overs. 

You can call me crazy...an adrenaline junkie...or just some one that wants to LIVE life! 

Today I did something that was nothing short of amazing.  Thank you to Sean for the flight and for the video.  This day I will NEVER forget.  I am already thinking of my next "off" chemo week...I think I just may be hooked to paragliding.  The scene was beautiful as we all know Arizona sunsets are beautiful.  We got up to 4000 feet...yes it was a bit chilly...but very breathtaking. 

I was and still am in awe of this whole experience. 

So yes today was another day that I was living life to the fullest.

Until next time...what an amazing day...Thanking God for all that He allows me to do!

Friday, December 6, 2013

Peek-A-Boo!

Feels like I have been playing hide-n-seek this past week.  Monday as most of you are aware...I received my first round of chemo in clinic for about 4 hours and then was sent home with the 5 FU for 2 days of continuous chemo via the pump which goes directly into my power port. 



The "in-clinic" chemo is the "O" which has the crazy side effect of the neuropathy and the "not" eating/drinking cold stuff.  I SURVIVED...I lasted the time that was needed to "stay away" from cold stuff and today was the first day in 4 1/2 days that I actually got to eat COLD stuff.  Oh ice...how I have missed you!!!



The 5FU.. yes I have gotten that before which I would carry the pump around with me for 5 weeks straight and every week get a "refill"...this refill was like the size of a cassette tape (you young people can google what this "tape" thing is-ha!)...well like I said this amount would last 1 whole week. Well now I have 250mL of 5FU that last 2 days. Quite a big difference in quantity...which leads me to this...

NAUSEA! NAUSEA! NAUSEA! I was good right after the "O" treatment...but by day 2 the "pre-meds" had/have worn off and the nausea is a bit of a nuisance.  I am coping with it the best possible way with trying to stay hydrated, Zofran and Compazine if need be.  When I am not taking girls here or there, or helping with home work...I have become a BFF with my bed pillows.  Naps, naps, and more naps. 

Yesterday I received my NEULASTA injection...also known to me as PAIN!!!  I have gotten these off and on throughout all my "C" treatments starting back in 2005.  The neulasta does it job with keeping my "white count" up...but boy oh boy I could live without the pain it causes. 

So NO...I haven't been ignoring the calls, texts,  and emails...nor have I been playing hide-n-seek...but I have been getting cat naps when I can.   I  continue to appreciate all your  love, support, and prayers. 

Next week is my "off" week of chemo...so I have a few appointments with my medical team.  Then will have round #2 on December 16th. 

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Nov: Day 27-30 ONE YEAR "C"-versary

So as most of you have written on your face book posts or perhaps posted a "thankful" picture a time or 2 on your instagrams during the month of November..let's NOT forget to be THANKFUL for the other 11 months out of the year.  We ALL have too much to be thankful for to forget it all 365 days.  With that being said...

ONE year ago...11.30.12...I was given the diagnosis of pancreatic "C".  So much has changed in just a year.  From not knowing the prognosis...the whipple surgery...chemo and radiation...several doctors appointments...to being "re-diagnosed"...to being the BEST Mama that I can possibly be all while trying to keep the title of  "C" fighting-ninja. 

"C" is truly just a word. NOT a sentence.

I believe that attitude has a LOT to do with fighting to survive. Some days are much harder than others...but one thing that hasn't changed...I am grateful to wake up and be a Mama to my little angels.  I am beyond blessed to be with a team of doctors that are there to help me FIGHT this.  I am beyond thankful for my family and my friends.  As crazy as this may sound...I am appreciative of what "C" has done for my life...in this aspect-I have made new friends, reconnected with old friends, brought my family closer together, I enjoy all the "SMALL" moments in life more, and "it" has also made me a stronger (than I already was) person.

So some might say that is crazy to be "thankful" for the "C"-word...but  I look at the positives that it has brought into my life.  I feel that although my FAITH may have been shaken or tested a time or 2...I have more FAITH than ever. I am trusting in God that I know he has not left me yet...I know He will continue to be with me as I walk through the valleys of the unknown. 

Here's to many more years....that I can look back on and say wow!...I kicked "C" to the curb...until then I need you all to continue praying and sending your positives thoughts this way.

I am trusting in Him.  I know I can beat this with God on my side and an army of prayer warriors on my team. 

Yes there are many days that I dislike "C"...but I can't reflect on the negatives-life is too precious to waste on things that we can't change. I just have to look forward to what I can do and that is to make a difference!

Tomorrow (or today) 12-1-13 I will have my labs drawn to determine if they are good for chemo on Monday (12-2-13)...please please please lets pray that they are good and I can begin fighting this "C" and send it packing once and for all.  "C" has once again messed with the WRONG girl. 

Until next time...be THANKFUL all the time!


There is always always ALWAYS something to be thankful for!

Photo courtesy of: M&M Photography-Thanks Molly! :)






Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Nov: Day 25&26



I have to get into my "fight" mode...this song was one that "Mama-Chick" (Carol) and I would blare as we cruised to radiation through our breast "C" battle...so I am cranking it even louder than ever. 

Thank you for all you readers out there :) My "hits" to this blog keep climbing...that only means one thing.  I am reaching more and more people.  That was/is my goal. So I guess I can confidently say I am making a difference. 

I thought I should sit down and take a minute to update you all...since I got so many texts/emails today making sure I was ok since you all hadn't heard from me.  Yes...I am still here.

If only you could get into my mind for just a moment and see what all I am going through...from appointment after appointment...trying to avoid getting sick to keep my white counts up...enjoying life with my girls...to the wondering of what this chemo will be like.  Well let me share some of this with you.

Good news is that my white count has come up as of yesterday...I need YOU all to continue to pray that it continues to do so.  I will have my blood drawn again on Sunday at 12 (noon) to check the numbers. If all goes as planned I will begin my 1st round of chemo on Monday. 

This is the plan...I will be at the clinic being taken care of my some of the best doctors that people from around the country come to...I will be there for approximately 4 hours and the chemo will be Oxaliplatin then I will be sent home with the chemo pump and that will have the 5FU (Fluorouracil) for 2 days...YES I will wear it for 48 hours straight (YES...even to sleep, bath, etc, etc, etc.)  The side effects of these 2 are the typical "chemo" stuff...nausea/vomiting, "D", loss of appetite, etc. But with medication I am praying that I will continue to control all of that. HOWEVER there is a BIG issue with the oxaliplatin-I will call it "O" from now on...NEUROPATHY and what all it does to the "GI-Tract". 

Here is where it gets tricky...for 4-5 days after every chemo treatment (expected to have 6 months going one week...off the next...) I am to drink/eat ONLY room temperature things.  If I do not follow this "room-temperature" advice...they kindly told me today it will feel like razors going down my GI tract.  This is quite devastating seeing how I LOVE ICE...I also eat LOTS of cold stuff, drink smoothies/fresh fruit juice like no other, and ummm yea...pretty much like my food warm if not eating the previous mentioned items.  Oh and not to mention the main concern with me is my nutrition from being a "whipple" patient...so yes I HAVE to keep my weight on...all while eating/drinking "room-temperature" stuff.  ANY SUGGESTIONS??????  I can think of some stuff...but really I would love more suggestions. (hint, hint!)

Oh and another fun part of this...I am NOT to use the refrigerator or freezer without gloves...on day 4 after chemo I am to "experiment" to see if I can touch the refrigerator without gloves...if the neuropathy is "ok" I am to proceed to the freezer and try to hold an ice cube. If the pain is not tolerable...I am to wait till the next day and try again...this should be quite entertaining...but I really am praying not too painful. 

Today I was reminded of the harsh reality of what I am facing...the reality of that this is known to the medical world as "metastatic" pancreatic cancer...I will NOT call it that.  I am not going to think negative.  Again I will think of it as this way...the cancer cells got really bored at the pancreas...so they packed up and moved on for a vacation. Well THIS GIRL (that would be JAMIE) is putting that vacation of nasty cells to a screeching HALT!!!

I know that GOD is in control of this situation...I have heard of the many stories of those that have lost their battles...but folks...I am here to tell you this...I have met SURVIVORS of this disease (specific-Pancreatic C)...that have lived for several years...BEATING the odds. I want to be one of those beating "odds" too!!! 

After my chemo of 6 months it is very possible that I will be on a maintenance regimen for the rest of my life to keep those "nasty" cells under control. I am ok with that...as long as I am here for my girls. My heart breaks as I type this post even to think of the thought of the "worst"...I will continue to stand strong and give this battle all that I have to keep fighting. 

I have beat the odds when dealing with ALL my cancer issues...I am not about to let it get me now.  I feel confident in my medical team and that we have "captured" this nonsense on my liver early enough to stop its lovely little vacation. 

Enough about that...I look forward to tomorrow...for it is a new day!!!

I want to give a special THANK YOU to Joni and Julie (life-long friends) who work at Stotz Equipment where by my surprise yesterday they held a bake sale for me.  They were able to raise money and then Stotz Equipment matched their total.  I truly appreciate all the support...knowing that complete strangers are helping me out is unexplainable!!!  This Mama and her 2 babies are very much appreciative. THANK YOU!!!!!!!

So until next time...as you are planning your Thanksgiving meals...would you think of me and what I can eat at room temperature?...leave suggestions in the comment box :)

Giving Thanks for God has given me another day to live...to be a Mama...a daughter...a granddaughter...a sister...an auntie...a friend...and a "C" fighting ninja!

Keep the prayers and positive vibes coming my way.


Sunday, November 24, 2013

Nov: Day 22-24


This is what my days have consisted of since Thursday of being told NO chemo...I believe everything happens for a reason and these last few days have been amazing with my 2 beauties.  I have "rested" a bit...but most importantly spent every bit of my time with my babies.

I think not being able to start chemo last week has given me a few extra days to mentally prepare myself to continue on with this fight. 

I will see more doctors tomorrow and also get my labs drawn to see where my white count is.  I will more than likely start chemo next week (Dec 2) if all goes ok.  Continued prayers are appreciated and I can not say thank you enough for all your continued support and love. 

Don't forget to spread the word about awareness!  Check yourself and don't ignore the signs. YOU are YOUR best advocate.

Until next time...I have got some snuggling to do with my babies...because in AZ it is finally "cold" enough to do so.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Nov: Day 21

Going to keep this post short and sweet...I am tired! 

Today was SUPPOSE to be my 1st round (again) of treatment...however my body had other plans.  My white cell count was too low...therefore I will have to wait until next week to get my labs redrawn and go from there to see when I will get chemo.  If I don't start treatment next week...I will begin the week after Thanksgiving.  At this point...it is ALL in God's hands.  He has this under control. I will just sit and wait as it is all in HIS time. 

I was mentally prepared for today...but it just wasn't meant to be.  One thing that was meant to be was my "life-saver"...literally was working in the "port" area...so she was the one that accessed my port and drew my labs for me this morning.  She was so gentle...that I really didn't feel a thing. Just a side note...you don't  have to make the patient feel like you are pushing their port through their chest and into one of their lungs. Yes, this has happened to me before...but today "Miss R" did an amazing job.  Proud of you!!! 

While I was at the treatment center...there were some little angels working over time in my neighborhood.  I  turned down a street lined with purple ribbons tied around the trees...then onto "my" street with more beautiful purple ribbons around the trees...and my front porch with lots of purple.  I thank all of you for being a part of this and taking the time to show your support.  "K"...you sure do know how to make a girl smile. I love that my house has LOTS of purple out front...maybe it'll make others aware besides the fact of making me so happy.  ( I will post pics later) 

Until next time...no chemo today means a great weekend ahead to spend making memories with my babies...but staying clear of germs of course.  



Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Nov: Day 20

Hello all my fellow blog readers.  I hope you are all having a wonderful day.  I wanted to say thank you again from the bottom of my heart for all the love, support, and prayers.  There are a few things I wanted to inform everyone of....

1.  There are a few fundraisers going on right now. I know that many of you are aware of already...however I must sadly say when something like this happens...PLEASE BE AWARE of scammers...  I know sad-but I must put that out there.  I have heard too many times during hard times and tragedy there are "bad" people that find it ok to scam others.

Therefore I want to inform you all of those fundraisers that I am aware of and am 100% thankful for :)


*Gold Canyon Candles-put together by: Maria Casillas. There will be packets around the valley to keep this a "local" event to for go shipping costs. So far these packet will be/ are at:

-Absolute Screening  407 E Monroe Ave  Buckeye

-Child Enrichment Center  405 N 3rd St- Buckeye

-Banner Boswell Case Management (see Amy)-Sun City

If anyone else is willing to sell candles-please leave a message in the comment box below and we will get a packet to you. This event will go from TODAY-December 8th. 


* Carrie Utz has organized a booth at the Buckeye Holiday Boutique which will be December 7th.  If you have anything to donate...crafts, bake goods, Christmas apparel, etc-you may leave a comment below and Carrie can contact you.


*GOFUNDME-there are 2 of these that I am aware of and legit

- http://www.gofundme.com/3wb47o  This was started by Tiffany W.

http://www.gofundme.com/5di4tg This was started by Michelle B.


2.  If you are a "paypal" type-the paypal acct is:   missjamiesjourney@gmail.com


3.  If you are wanting to send well wishes, gift cards, etc. please use the following info:

Jamie Daniels
PO BOX 5373
Goodyear, AZ 85338
 
 
4. Meals: there will be a meal "plan" put together.  When that is available...it will be posted.
 
 
Ways to stay connected and informed:
 
  *Got Twitter?  Well I am not a "tweet" expert...but my dear friend, -K set up an account on twitter.  So check that out. twitter:   @jamies_journey       
 
 *Got Face Book?  If you have not already "like"  : https://www.facebook.com/LiftingJamieInPrayer

* Instagram- if you have an instagram and have a picture of support or at any events for Jamie...please use this hash-tag       #missjamiesjourney       
 
 * And last but not least...my BLOG...yes this one...the one that I like to share with you-please share it with others.    http://missjamiesjourney.blogspot.com
 
 
If you are wanting to organize a fundraiser or help out in any way you may leave a comment below or private message to : missjamiesjourney@gmail.com   
 
 
Again...Thank you for everything that has been done and what continues to be done!!!  I know that with an army of prayer warriors, and supporters...although my fight is tough...it is made easier with you in my corner. Every "little" bit makes a "BIG" difference.
 
Continue to spread the word!!! I want the world to know "my story" :) 
 
 
Until next time...I must rest before tomorrow's chemo treatment.
 
 

 
 









Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Nov: Day 19

Wow! I can officially say I survived my 1st colonoscopy...along with the endoscopy.  Yesterday I was miserable...my tummy was aching and not feeling good at all.  I just related it to "what's really going on".  I asked for your prayers...as I prayed even harder. Praying that NO more "C" would be seen anywhere else...from the top side down...to the bottom side up. 

I was given my "sleepy" drug and went fast asleep only counting 1, 1000, 2, 2000...then I was out! Next thing  I know I am in recovery and waking up.  Feeling good...literally!  I turned to the left side and asked the nurse...ok what's the outcome. She was surprised how alert I was...next thing I know my Mom was standing there and in walks my GI doctor. 

Here is where I REALLY became alert!!!  He confirmed that EVERYTHING was good from my scopes today!!!  No signs of "C" or anything of concern...except for this.  My stomach was very irritated...he had to drain 1 1/2 CUPS..yes CUPS not CC of bile.  Which explains why I was having such a bad day yesterday...feeling the heart burn the last few days...etc. 

So after seeing the beautiful pictures of my stomach...all nice,  red, and irritated...I have been given another medication that I will take 30 minutes to eating every meal and before bed time to "coat" my poor stomach. This is just another thing I will deal with since being able to having the whipple surgery.  I will add this new med-Carafate(tummy coater) along with also continuing to take my Creon (pancreatic enzyme) every time I eat.  I can do this!

So we are still on for the game plan of THURSDAY with starting CHEMO and knocking out the "spot" on my liver. If today's outcome would have been different...I am sure the course of treatment would have changed. Continue to pray!

I PRAISE GOD that HE is GOOD!   HE has NEVER abandoned me and I know that HE is with my always...HE has held me up and gotten me through SO much as I know HE will continue to do so.

I have my gloves laced up and ready to knock this out again!!!  Again I ask that you pray that I'm able to keep my appetite...to keep my strength.  I am a FIGHTER!!!

Until next time...stay healthy and continue to pray.

As a side note...the colonoscopy was NOT anything like I imagined...or have heard!   So I recommend that if you have ANY history of "C"...PLEASE be proactive and go get yourself one. Don't forget just one stipulation...you must fart before you can depart. HA! Had to throw some humor in this post.  It was a "crappy" kind of day...but somebody had to go through with it. 

Monday, November 18, 2013

Nov: 18 Happy Birthday Mae

Today I wanted to go with no bumps in the road.  I wanted today to be a special day.  Today this little girl of mine turned 10.
Happy Birthday Maesyn! 




Mae-Mae-
I am so proud of who she has become.  From the best snuggle buddy at night, to my little horse rider that has come so far in just over 1 year. I am so VERY thankful MAESYN LEE to call you my baby-girl.  No matter how old you may be...my baby you will always be! Keep doing good in everything that you put your heart into.  You are now a decade old and so much wiser beyond your years.  You and your Sister are the reasons I continue to fight to live. Stay strong!  I love you so much.  God Bless YOU always...keep you safe, happy and healthy. xoxo love you always and forever-Mama 
_______________________________________________________________
As for me: 
Well I made a promise to Maesyn that since she hasn't missed any days at school...she could hang out with me.  I felt that it was more important than ever since our lives have just been turned upside down "again"...so she was off to the "C" treatment center with me...we ate some breakfast and then it was going to be a quick appointment day with naturopathic doctor and nutritionist.  Well everything was fine and dandy...until we left.  I began to feel yucky!!! We had headed to Starbucks where she likes to order off the "secret" menu. I had to have my cousin walk her into Starbucks...they no longer were gone a few minutes and came back to see me not feeling good at all.  So we headed back to the clinic and they gave me a bag of fluids through my port with IV Zofran...that was after of course I couldn't keep it in and started vomiting in the trash can.  :( I haven't vomited since my whipple surgery...so I felt gross.  Feeling a tad bit better...but not really.

Tomorrow I go in for my endoscopy and colonoscopy.  So please continue to pray that there will be NO more evidence of "C" anywhere else. I pray that everything goes well tomorrow so we can start on chemotherapy as planned on Thursday.

Please don't doubt God...as last night I was having second guesses and my mind was playing tricks on me...so I said my prayers...asked for a good night sleep and will continue to pray that God surrounds me and keeps me well. 

Pray for:
Good endoscopy/colonoscopy results
Nutrition...that I am able to keep my strength during chemo
My girls...they are strong...but asking questions that tear me apart.  They are my will to fight!
My Mama...parents hate to see their babies hurting
My sister...being so far away at times stinks...she's got lots of prayer warriors praying for me
My family and friends...they feel helpless@ times-but it's the little things that make a HUGE difference.

Uplift those that are fighting, and those that have had to fight...WE HAVE TO FIND A CURE!!!

Until next time...Tomorrow is the day when I will be "scoped"...prayers appreciated!

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Nov: Day 16&17

Well these last few days have been a bit of a blur for me. From the state of shock...to the point of realizing this isn't a bad dream...this is reality of what I must do.  This post is a lot of rambling...have so much on my mind.



HOW LONG WILL YOU HAVE CHEMO THIS TIME? 

I have the question in my mind and have been asked by LOTS of my family and friends...
Well I am not sure to be honest with you all.  When I was told the other day about the "new" spot...I just was numb. I do remember the Dr stating that I will have 5 FU (chemo) that I had previously...however this time more "potent" since it won't be combined with radiation.  I will also have another type of chemo...but not sure the name...I do know that Thursday my treatment will take 3-4 hours and then sent home with the chemo pump for 2 days to follow and then d/c it and get an injection of either the neupogen (fingers crossed that'll work for me) or the PAINFUL neulasta (which my body aches from so bad). 

I also remember the Dr stating that we will go through so many  (?) treatments and then the tumor markers (CA19-9) will be drawn again...having the "good" PET scan and then not so good MRI the next day is still a blow to my heart...but I understand why...and how that happened.  With my tumor markers NOT going down...but instead increasing...there had to be "something" going on.  I am fortunate that I have intelligent, compassionate, & aggressive team of doctors all working with me now to get to the bottom of the "increasing CA19-9" mystery. 

YESTERDAY...

I was told by 2 men this: Jamie...you are so inspiring and inspire so many.  You have endured so much and are continuing to go through so much...all while keeping a smile on your face. 

I am not going to sit here and say my life is just a bed of roses...we all know that would be a BIG lie...but if I am going to have to fight to live...I am going to stay positive and keep a smile on my face.  I hope that by others seeing me smile...they will feel a little bit of HOPE and know that there is ALWAYS someone else fighting a greater battle. 

PRAYERS...

When I go in Tuesday for my colonoscopy/endoscopy...I need LOTS of prayers...I need to be uplifted that there will be NO more "areas of concern"...My prayer is that this "new" spot that they found on my liver is just there and NO where else.  I pray that "they" have found it early enough and that "C" hasn't spread anywhere else. 

What is it?...

People have asked so now you have liver "C"...well although there is a spot on my liver...it is not "Liver-C"...but it is considered Metastatic Pancreatic "C".  MEANING THIS:  The "C" has gone to invade another organ.  I DON'T like to think of it that way...instead think of it as the "C" has gone for a "visit" and must be STOPPED!!!

How are my babies handling it all?...

Well telling my girls was NO easy task on Friday.  I was hesitant...didn't know exactly how to break the news to them.  I once again put on my BIG girl panties...sat down with them and told them that..."Mama has to go through more chemo!"  The look on their faces was that of confusion...followed by questions of why. I didn't sugar coat anything...I broke the news to them that a tiny bit of "C" has been found on my liver...and that they will more than likely get to shave Mama's head this time. 

They took all that in...went on a few more hours as we were with my Mom and our good friends...then we came home. That is when "IT" hit HARD...

I called them to our couch and as I sat in the middle of them both...we hugged tight and let some tears fall.  It was then that once again I reassured them that I was going to fight...I was going to give it my all...I was tough, but they are tougher...I was going to stay strong for them...and that they are the TRUE reason why I am alive today because I fight for THEM!

My girls have been going to KIDS CAN COPE for sometime now...I am so VERY blessed that they are able to attend.  I feel so fortunate that there are people out there like "K" that takes on the responsibility of organizing a bi-monthly meeting for kids that are trying to cope with their parents going through "C"fights or that have lost their battle.  They continue to WANT to go to their coping class...a few months ago I thought...maybe they should take a break or only go once a month...but they ask me... "When is our next Kids can cope?" They share a special bond with the other kids in the class and nobody else will or can understand.  Not only are they all there to support each other...but they are doing activities that are helping them to cope with what emotions they might be experiencing.  

I have asked them at random times these past few days if they had any questions, or were scared, or how they were feeling...all I can say is...I HAVE 2 TOUGH LITTLE GIRLS!!!

Blogging...

As many of you know...my blog is a way for ME to cope.  It is somewhere that I can express my feelings, fears, my fight info, and what I have been up to.  I have challenged myself to blog everyday in November for PAN-CAN awareness month...well I am stepping up the challenge and will continue to blog each and every day as my body permits.  I want to be able to share exactly what I am experiencing-good or bad, and document my journey even in more detail for the world to see.  I have nothing to hide...I want the world to know what battles I have fought, the battles I have won, and the battles that I continue to fight.  Please continue to share my blog with your family, friends, and strangers...I am touching lives of many...that I am reminded of on a daily basis. THAT WAS MY GOAL...I will continue to touch 1000s more. 

MY STORY...

Many of you have encouraged me to share my story in a BOOK...well this isn't some make-believe, made up characters...this is MY LIFE...I had started months back to begin to write my story in a book form...I have started from when I was a child...to when we were at my Dad's funeral.  For some reason it is so "raw" for me still...that I have a hard time finishing that portion of my writing.  Someday my dream is to have it published...but if nothing else...it is for MY GIRLS.  So I will step that little project up too and begin writing more. I will have more "spare" time as I sit in the chemo room.

SONGS...

There is something about music that takes me back to a certain event/occasion good or bad...the words strike a memory.  I remember sitting at my benefit concert last year and precious Christian recording-artist- Mia Koehne (www.aboutmidnight.com)  begin to sing Demi Lovato's "SkyScaper"...she said how the words to this song took on a whole new meaning...she had heard a bit of my story and all she could do was think of me rising up from the ground...no matter what I was faced with. 

You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of Paper
Go o and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper.


So with that being said...have you ever taken a song and looked at it in a new aspect? I do this ALL the time...last night I was flipping through songs on my old I-touch and thought WOW...this is for my girls...
 

 
 
My girls can...well anyone for that matter can look into my eyes and see what my babies mean to me.  No one or nothing can tell me that I can't do this...I am going to give it my all. I'd do anything for my girls...I'd walk the wire for them. I am going all the way to BEAT this!!!
 
Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for taking this journey with me...for the love, support, and prayers.  I can and I will. Watch me!
 
Until next time...positive thoughts, prayers and MORE prayers! 

Friday, November 15, 2013

Nov: Day 15-Fasten YOUR Seat Belts

Folks! I don't know where to begin or exactly how I should start this post.  I have told you all THANKS for being apart of my journey and I pray that you will all continue to be apart of it.  Well we need to all sit down to read this one...and fasten your seat belts as this ride is far from over.

These last few days have been nothing short of a fair ride spiraling out of control.  From getting the call of "areas of concern" on a CT scan...to having a "good" PET Scan...to my CA19-9 "increasing"...to being called last night to say my new doctor wants to get an MRI on me.

So I arrived at the clinic today to go through with my appointments that I had scheduled.  BUT...I was greeted by a very polite scheduler to inform me that the doctor actually didn't want to wait until next week for my MRI...instead it would be performed today at 11am.

Today was going just as planned...met with GI, then off to radiology for my MRI. I was greeted by another great RN and she reassured me as she too is a SURVIVOR.  I sat there as she accessed my port and off to the exam area.  I walked in and greeted by the tech there.  Given some ear plugs, a blind fold, and some music to listen to.  For those of you that have had an MRI know how "claustrophobic" this can be. I just took a deep breath and laid there as still as I possibly could. About 1/2 later I was finished and off to the cafeteria my Mom and I went.

After lunch I was scheduled to meet with the medical oncologist.  I was nothing short of impressed with this new doctor.  He immediately asked me what I knew of my scans, CA19-9 levels, etc.  I reassured him that I knew everything that had been going on, and that I was pretty savvy when it came to knowing about my health and all the issues that I have had to deal with.

He began to tell me the results of the MRI...

HERE IS WHERE I NEED YOU ALL TO READ THIS CAREFULLY...I WILL NOT TOLERATE ANY FALSE RUMORS OR "STORIES"...THIS IS WHY I BLOG...THAT WAY IT IS STRAIGHT FROM THE HORSES MOUTH...

Yesterday, YES! We got a "clean" pet scan...however my CA19-9 levels told a different story. This is where I am grateful for the proactive doctors that I now have.  The MRI revealed today that in fact there is a "lesion" on my liver.  The size of it was TOO small for the PET scan to pick up, the onco dr also mentioned how sometimes certain cancers aren't even detected on the PET scans...therefore the CT SCAN (11-5-13) was how it was detected and the MRI was what confirmed it today. This lesion is more than likely a metastasis of the pancreatic cancer that has "gone to visit" my liver.

My heart sank...it truly did! I am up against "C"...I have been fighting this fight for almost a whole year...but have just been thrown a curve ball.   My options would be to "wait" and see what the CA19-9 would do, and no biopsy since it is so small.  OR...get my fighting gloves on and face "C" with the aggressive route.

I think you should all be able to figure out the answer. I have 2 little girls that need a Mama!!!  I am not willing to sit around and let "C" take control.   I will have a endoscopy and colonoscopy on Tuesday...then we (because we are all in this together) will start CHEMO on THURSDAY.  If it was up to me we would start chemo tomorrow...but I know these additional tests have to be completed first.

I am in a state of shock-that is an understatement.  I knew that I would always have to fight to live...but didn't expect to be told that I would have to go through chemo again.

I am sorry to drag many of you through my emotional roller-coaster of all these events...but I need you all more than ever. I need you to PRAY...and PRAY HARD.  I need the positive thoughts sent my way. I need you to not only uplift ME...but my precious BABY girls that will now see me fight harder.  I will have a lot of different side effects as this chemo will be more "potent" from the last one.  I will also more than likely for sure lose my hair this time. (I will save $ on hair-products...ha!)

I have a lot to do these next few days...I am going to enjoy my girls ( as I always do), and I am thinking we will have to do pictures again before I start the poison again-yikes!  If I had a jet...we would probably fly to Hawaii...but that won't happen-so maybe after my treatments-wishful thinking-ha!

I know many of you will be at a loss for words once you read this post...its ok. I am TOO! I have my dukes up and ready to fight.  At this time don't lose HOPE, keep the FAITH, and remember God only gives us what we can handle (wish HE didn't trust me so much-ha!)

Until next time...hug your family tighter because we never know what tomorrow may bring.

I apologize if you had to read this and not heard it directly from me...I can't keep re-telling this story.  I have to focus on what needs to be done...that is to enjoy this weekend with my babies before I start another...or continue this battle.  Thank you! 

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Nov: Day 14-Rejoicing!

Well I'm writing this post on pure adrenaline.  I slept ok for the most of last night...but obviously anxious for today's PET scan.  I had a million thoughts running through my mind...but I knew with all of you praying and uplifting me in good thoughts that no matter the outcome that today would be a good day.  Well let me start out by saying this:

God is great, people are good, and FIGHTING cancer is crazy!
 
Everyday is a new day...some days there are good days, there will be bad days, there will be days of the unknown, days like you can beat anything, there will be days of doubt (I am trying not to have these days), and days of HOPE.
 
Last week when I got the call that there were "areas of concern" on my ct scan...that they needed to be compared to previous scans-my heart sank. I felt like I had just been hit by a loaded-18 wheeler.  I was told to "have a good weekend". HA...right! After being told something like that...how in the world are you suppose to just go about your business. 
 
Well I did go about my plans...girls and I hung out together...but still "areas of concern" on my mind.
 
So I go to new facility and immediately they are also "concerned" now from reading the radiology report...order that labs be drawn and go from there...also ordered the PET scan right away.  Well by last night I could see on my medical record online that my CA19-9 had more than doubled since last draw, and we have "areas of concern"...now what?!?!?! 
 
I fell asleep thinking again if this is another "FAITH-tester"...bring it on! I have the FAITH. If this turns out to be "C" again...I can do this...I will CONTINUE to FIGHT.
 
Well I last ate at 8:30 last night in order to be fasting for today's 9 am PET scan.  I arrived with a rumbling and growling tummy...I was greeted by an amazing pet-scan tech "student". Lets just say this girl is an angel!  She was so compassionate and I gave her my blog card with my email...when it was all said and done I told her I wanted her instructors email info...I needed to contact the instructor and tell her exactly how wonderful her student was. 
 
Back to it...so I was taken back by the "student" and my blood sugars were drawn...came in at 124. So I was good to go for the scan.  They injected the "secret" potion for the scan...then I laid there in the chair curled up in the fetal position and slept for an hour. Let me tell you all...best sleep I have had in a LONG week.
 
The "student" quietly woke me up to take me to the scan room.  I once again was asked to lay on the long narrow "table" and place my hands above my head...she came back a short while later to say they probably had gotten 300 "pictures" of me...that I was good to get up and go. (only after she brought me a lint remover to remover all the fuzzy white lent from the warm blankets)
 
My Mom and I had a bite to eat...grabbed some pillows at Target and headed home.  Something told me go ahead...do it...just log in...its ok...seriously...just do it.  So curiosity got to me and I once again logged onto my online medical record.  As fate would have it...my PET SCAN RESULTS were already online. 
 
This is where I need a drum-roll, a shout Thank YOU Jesus, and happy tear (I had many), a shout...I knew you were good...well I read the results...and as I knew and trusted in "HIM"...I knew that anything is possible.
 
RESULTS....IMPRESSION: Stable post surgical changes of Whipple without evidence for residual local disease or metastatic recurrence. 
 
So yes there were "changes" seen in the ct scan (last week) from my whipple...so tomorrow when I meet with dr...I will ask and that is possibly the reason for the increase in the tumor-marker levels??? Who knows there can be many factors.
 
I can NOT say thank you enough for all your kind emails, texts, calls, etc...please don't stop believing...prayer is powerful and with all of YOU in my corner...I will continue to fight...not just for myself...but for all those that continue to fight...those that will have to fight...and remember those we have lost from the fight. 
 
Spread the word to BE PROACTIVE...think PURPLE...and NEVER give up!!!
 
Until next time...I am planning what memory the girls and I will be making next. Hugs & love! 

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Nov: Day 13 PRAYERS PLEASE

If you are reading this...I ask that you take a moment to uplift me in prayers and positive thoughts.  Today I met with a physician who has ordered a LOT of blood work...and also a STAT PET scan which I will have the scan tomorrow at 9am.  There are good things and bad things of being somewhere now where they move very rapid...Good: I just got my blood drawn from my port...and already have the results or at least the majority of them are available online. 

Bad: What I see online...I don't like my CA19-9 level. It has once again doubled from the last draw. Folks...I am not going to sugar coat the truth and say I am not scared. To be honest with you all...I am terrified.  I am clinging to hope and praying to our God that I am good and this is another little "faith-tester" that I have to go through. 

I ask that EVERYONE continue or start to pray that I am "good"...tonight I will fast for the PET scan tomorrow. Pray for peace that I will be able to "mentally" get some sleep and that I will get GOOD results tomorrow. 

I CAN and I WILL continue to FIGHT!

p.s.  I still haven't gotten my CT scan results from last week...however my PET scan results tomorrow should be available tomorrow afternoon. I will make a post once I know of the results. Thank you!

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Nov: Day 12 Live Life

Wow! Today is 11-12-13...so how many of you celebrated today any different than any other "normal" day? Yep...me neither! Today was just another typical day to be thankful to be ALIVE. As I was driving home tonight...a song came on the radio. When the girls and I hear a song we like...we will crank up the volume and sing our hearts out.

This song is a special one...it has real-raw meaning to what we have endured over the past year...which leads me to this post.




*This photo was taken on 11-24-12...the day that we went to meet my dear friend from college...I was NOT feeling well that day...but little did I know on that night I would be headed to the ER where my life would change...once again!

Well it has almost been a year ago (11-30-12) that I was sitting on ground-A at Banner T-Bird...with the best nurse and the oncologist and GI doctors that confirmed the worst.  Not only did I have cancer...but in fact it was primary pancreatic cancer. Days before they had seen "C"...but had to wait for the PRIMARY type.  I remember sitting there in such shock.  I had always thought WOW...now that I have beat breast cancer...I am not sure I would ever go through with treatments for cancer again.  Well folks...that all changes when you are given that diagnosis again...all I could see were my little girls faces. I was in a state of disbelief and I paused for a moment to gasp for a bit of air as I felt I had a lump in my throat...as if someone had just sucked the air out of me. 

The onco doc explained that he was almost in disbelief too...I asked him a medical question as to why-and he wasn't exactly sure, I remember him getting on his smart-phone right then and there and researching the answer to the question I had asked.  Something deep inside gave me the courage to say this...if I have this again...I need to start fighting.  It is Friday morning and you will possibly discharge me tonight...then before that is going to happen...schedule to put a PORT into my chest so I can get it taken care of and chemo started right away if need be. Well as I asked for...by that afternoon I was getting what not only I wanted...but needed.



(yes folks...that's what jaundice looks like...but I got my port-ha!)


I was inpatient in there for a total of 6 days...my room was filled with family, nursing school friends, grade school friends, my instructors, complete strangers that were getting "word" of my situation, old co-workers...but the most important visitors were my 2 little girls.


...which leads me to this...telling them what was "going-on" was NO simple task.  I am NOT one to "sugar-coat" the truth or live as if "nothing" is going on.  Therefore I tell them what I have to go through...what needs to be done...and WE can & WE will get through this.  Telling my babies on that night was tough!!! I look back at the picture above and it breaks my heart...this was after they heard of my diagnosis and we all took a walk to the cafeteria...didn't eat much but I had escaped my room for a moment to spend with them.  They had a lot of questions and I answered them all the best that I knew how to and held back many tears...at least until they left.

I didn't know...nor did my doctors know of my prognosis.  But what they were aware of and the "statistics"...there weren't many positive stories of such a diagnosis.  My class mates had been in and out of my room for those 6 days...they all came to the conclusion of something that I really wanted to do...that was to make more memories with my girls.  I knew I wanted to take pictures with them too...I am a picture person...so having pictures with my girls was a MUST!   So as my classmates were "secretly" making plans...I was also making plans. 

A tradition that we always do is try to attend the Fiesta of Lights Parade in Phoenix...well this last year was no different...I was sitting along Thomas Rd with my Mama and my girls...as we watched the lights and heard the sounds of 1000s of people.  I think back to that night and I get emotional as I remember the American Cancer Society entry go by...my eyes filled with tears and I prayed I would be there again another year...I whispered to my mom all choked-up I really want to live...I want to be here again next year.  She grabbed my arm and said...Sis I know...you are going to be! 



I had also scheduled pictures with Jobrina...someone that I had always admired as a kid when she was a "cool" high-schooler with my cousin...I made the phone call and I remember leaving the message...Jobrina...It's Jamie. If you get this please call me back. I really would like to take pictures with my girls...unfortunately I am in the hospital just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and if nothing else...for my girls...I want to take pictures with them.  I knew that the season for taking pictures was chaotic...but I knew Jobrina would find a way...sure enough on Sunday...we were squashing a fresh planted field of alfalfa (hay for the city-folks) as I sat there with my girls. Trying to smile the best that we knew how and holding back many tears and fears of the not-knowing.  We felt like a queen and 2 princesses...my talented cousin Kristin had come to my house and did our hair and air brushed away my jaundice-colored skin. 




So many people began if they hadn't already...to show so much support...profile pictures were changing and we began to see LOTS of PURPLE...


Well don't forget as I mentioned above...my classmates were still working their magic. They knew my dream someday was to ride in a hot air-balloon.  Well folks...that dream became a reality for my girls and me.  Something that all I can say is WOW!!!

The ride was incredible. Something I will NEVER forget.  I am grateful for my classmates and how they really just became part of my family and gave us such an unforgettable gift.  Flying so high...took a lot of my thoughts away for a brief moment and gave me a sense of freedom...thinking I can do this!

Which is why I began this blog post mentioning a song...once I got the diagnosis...I have done everything I am able to do with and for my girls. We sing  Tim McGraw's "Live Like YOU Were Dying" louder than ever and with so much heart and soul poured into it.

He said, I was in my early forties
With a lot of life before me
When a moment came that stopped me on a dime
I spent most of the next days, looking at the x-rays
Talking bout the options and talking bout sweet times
I asked him when it sank in
That this might really be the real end
How's it hit 'cha when you get that kind of news?
Man, what'd ya do?
And he said
I went skydiving
I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denyin'
And he said, Someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dyin'
He said, I was finally the husband
That most the time I wasn't
And I became a friend, a friend would like to have
And all of a sudden goin' fishin'
Wasn't such an imposition
And I went three times that year I lost my dad
Well I, I finally read the good book
And I took a good long hard look
At what I'd do if I could do it all again
And then
I went skydiving
I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denyin'
And he said, Someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dyin'
Like tomorrow was a gift
And ya got eternity to think about what to do with it
What did you do with it?
What did I do with it?
What would I do with it?
Skydiving
I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I watched an eagle as it was flyin'
And he said, Someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dyin'

So we have gone flying in an air balloon, gone to a bull-riding event (something I had never even witnessed live), climbed more mountains, gone fishing (something girls have always wanted to do), speak sweeter, watched many birds fly, enjoy the little things, try to forgive those that have hurt us easier, and don't leave without saying I LOVE YOU. 

Life is too short...this I know.  But I am going to live each and everyday to the fullest. God has given me this life and I am going to use it to make a difference and make memories with my girls. I can't believe its almost been ONE whole year...what a year it has been! 

Until next time...try living life to the fullest! Don't forget to THINK PURPLE!


Monday, November 11, 2013

Nov: Day 10 &11

Day 10: (a day late...again!)
Another day has come and gone...and I Thank God that I am alive to be able to share special memories with my girls. They are little girls with great big hearts.  LOVE you my baby girls! There isn't a day goes by that we don't make at least one special memory together...rather it be driving in the car singin' our hearts out, riding up and down the roads in our neighborhood on our bikes, having a picnic, playing at the parks, or all laying in my bed having great belly-laugh sessions as we all giggle together about certain "stuff".  Life is good...although some days are better than others...we enjoy all the "little" things life.






Day 11: Today is Veteran's Day. THANK YOU for all that have served and continue to serve.  I thank you for my FREEDOM and the ability to do what I want to do...when I want to do it...because I live in this country. BUT...I don't go a day without appreciating all that you men and women have done for us to be able to live the way that we do.  God Bless America! This song has always brought tears to my eyes...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q65KZIqay4E

Thank a VET today...and if you are one-YOU are appreciated!!!

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Nov: Day 9 (a day late)

So yesterday I just wasn't in the "mood" to blog...instead I spent some time with my girls and our family...then we finished out the day/night spending it with our friends...so day 9 comes a day late.

This blog post is quite simple...it is a BIG question for you?.....
No matter how young or how old you might be...what have YOU done that has made a difference? Think about it. 

Do you make a difference each day?
How have you touched some one's life?
How has your life changed for the better? 

These are just some questions I ask myself each and everyday.  By writing this blog it isn't just for me to occupy my time while I sit and wait for my girls at school, or when I just can't fall asleep to make me tired...instead I have set a goal to reach at least ONE person through my writings. 

I feel that I accomplish this by each of my posts and the comments I get or the private messages I get with complete strangers thanking me for what I have shared.  My blog isn't the thoughts and feelings of others...it is all about me.  My raw emotions as I deal with life...being a Mom to my 2 baby girls (well not really babies anymore), coping with "C" twice, being a daughter to someone (my Mama)that has been faced with "C" twice...too, to coping with life after losing my Dad. 

I hope and pray that I will continue to reach 1000s more that stumble across this "little" blog that once just began almost a year ago for me to document my thoughts and feelings if not for anyone else...then for my girls...but has grown to many complete strangers being able to read stories of determination, ups and downs dealing with "C", the joys of being a Mom, the anticipation of test results, hope, and the will to FIGHT!

I just wanted to say THANK YOU for continuing to support me as I continue my journey through life.  Welcome to all my new blog fans. 

So what until next time...make a difference-NO matter how big or how small.

Friday, November 8, 2013

Nov: Day 8 Prayers Please

Well this isn't the blog entry I had planned...and to be honest I wasn't even going to go through with my blogging challenge tonight. BUT...I looked at myself in the mirror and told myself...I am NOT a quitter!!!

Therefore I am sitting here listening to my fingers glide across the key board with Matthew West's  "Strong Enough" playing in the back ground.  I think once again it is truly God's work how certain things end up.  I just turned my old i-touch on and played my songs by genre..."Christian/gospel" and that is the first song to play.  This song means a lot to me with all that I have gone through...and the fact that it has my Dad's favorite verse in it. 

I have ignored MANY texts, calls, and fb messages today...I apologize...but you have to realize what I am going through today/tonight. I have been anxiously awaiting ( as you already know) my ct scan results...well I got a call late this after noon that they had gotten them. However...

This scan was NOT compared to my last ct scan...so this throws up a red flag.  There is some area of concern...but until they can compare this last one with previous scans...then they really don't know what is "going on". 

In my heart I feel that everything is going to be alright...but to be honest with YOU all...tonight my mind is playing the "what-if" game.  I am scared and shaken yet again...I pray that I will get good news next week.  Until then I sit, wait, and wonder.

So here is where I am going to ask YOU all for a HUGE favor...PLEASE uplift me in prayers and good thoughts throughout the next couple of days...I need a sense of peace to know this too shall pass and I have to stay strong.  I know our gracious God is good...but once again my Faith is being tested just to see how strong I really am and to realize that I truly just have to be still and know God is in control. 

Until next time...Pray for good results!

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Nov:Day 7...While I patiently wait & Chemo

Well it has now been 2 days since my ct scan and I am patiently (or at least trying to) waiting.  I have called my oncologist office and fingers crossed they will still call me today or for sure tomorrow. I can't go through the weekend with waiting and wondering what those results are. Please keep the prayers coming. 

So while I wait...I know I am NOT the only one that feels this way waiting. I ask that if you happen to be in the "medical" field...please remember how this makes us "patiently" waiting patients feel. Results STAT please...Thank you!

To keep myself busy today...just went and got 2 suspicious moles cut off. You know...just a typical day in the life with Jamie D.  I have gotten several moles taken off in the past and with my history my dermatologist doesn't want to mess around and is very cautious with anything that looks "not" normal.  So now I have added 2 more scars amongst my body and will get the stitches taken out  when I have been directed to do so.  Thanks to Dr. M for being cautious!

After that little outing...I had the opportunity of meeting another FIGHTER "J"...she is fighting stage 4 Breast.  We got to talking and got on the subject of our chemotherapy treatments.  Which leads me to this next portion of this blog entry.

Chemotherapy
 
When we hear that nasty word..."CHEMO"...we all of the sudden think oh my that's horrible. Think how the patient is going to be bald...and probably hooked up to some poisonous looking medicine that must be like neon-green with steam coming off of the vial. Almost a visual picture as the witch in Snow White as she is stirring her brew to poison poor innocent Snow White. 
 
What many of us don't realize unless you are in the health care field or have been a patient or watched your family or friends go through it...know this is NOT the case.  Many chemotherapy treatments look anything from "sprite" to dark red kool-aid and anything in between.  There are several different types of chemo or several different types of cancers.  There are chemo drugs that are administered via IV and then there are also chemo drugs taken as pill form by mouth.
 
What we also don't realize are all the side effects and the aftermath of receiving these harsh treatments.  As I sat there and talked with "J" she stated how she was doing Taxol, I told her that was part of the chemo I got with my breast cancer fight.  Then she was almost happy to know she's not the only one that has encountered the side effects such as neuropathy.  Numbness and tingling in your hands and/or feet is never fun. 
 
There are soooooo many more side effects to chemo than just "going bald"...not everyone is your typical text book patient.  Heck! With this PAN-CAN fight  I was able to save most of my hair...although it has thinned out...I still have hair! So just because pamphlets say one thing...don't ever get discouraged.  Your side effects might be very minimal and then again...there might be some that we just have to face each day and keep our dukes up as we are fighting. 
 
I just chuckle to myself when I tell people I have been fighting PAN-CAN for almost a year now.  They look puzzled and say, "Well you have your hair still!"  Unless you know me personally...many people tell me how great I look, etc...its almost at times I think people don't believe me. It isn't until I start telling my story...their mouth drops open and I even show off my scar every now and then when explaining how I was able to get the whipple surgery.  It's not about just losing hair, or having neuropathy, etc...its about how we want to face this horrible disease.  We can face it with a feeling of defeat before we even start the fight...or we can give it our all and go in fighting and not backing down for NOTHING!  
 
These are types of chemo therapies that are available for Pancreatic Cancer patients.
Gemzar (which I had 10 treatments of)
Abraxene
5-FU (which I had on me continuously into my port as I carried a pump around for 5 weeks...yes even in the bath, while I slept, while I drove, while I ate...)
 
These chemo therapy drugs maybe used in conjunction with other chemo drugs. 
 
So here's a small list of what we might or have experienced:
nausea and vomiting
loss of appetite
hair loss
mouth sores
diarrhea
blood cell counts become low
bruising and bleeding
fatigue
shortness of breath
kidney damage
neuropathy
 
I am thankful on most days for chemotherapy and how I have had the opportunity to wake up another day...just wish the side effects weren't so harsh to my body.
 
So here's to those fighting the fight...keep your dukes up! You are NOT alone!!!  Attitude is everything!  Stay strong and NEVER give up.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Nov: Day 6

Good afternoon! I still haven't gotten any news on my CT scan.  I know the curiosity is killing me too. Just thinking positive and keeping busy. 

I wanted to let you know that I have signed up for a team this year at the PURPLE STRIDE event in Phoenix. The location has changed from last year...if you are interested then I encourage you to join the team. Last year we were one of the top fundraising teams.  This event is put on by the PANCREATIC CANCER ACTION NETWORK.  So mark your calendars for APRIL 6,2014 if you are able to make it...I would be honored.  You can go directly to the link to join or donate at:
http://www.kintera.org/faf/search/searchTeamPart.asp?ievent=1089352&lis=0&kntae1089352=A1D0BB01136F402583EBBD498E2810AA&team=5763773

TEAM NAME: Jamie's Purple Brigade

Last year Jamie's team had several family and friends there to walk along side of me as we heard other stories of survival, hope, and also stories of sadness of those that lost the battle.  Will you join us this year???



This was a portion of the team!!!! As you can see on the photo below...I was even there with my chemo pump and all. 5 FU chemo wasn't going to stop me!!!


Think PURPLE...pass on the word and keep the prayers coming!!!


 

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Nov: Day 5 &Thunderbird

Well today is day 5 of my month long bloggin' challenge so lets get up and jive.  Well not really who wants to get up at 11:45pm and do a little dance.  Well instead I wanted to list a few things that can lead to a healthier lifestyle...which would mean a way to prevent cancer if possible...lower your risk.

*Exercise...I'm not talking about being at Crossfit everyday (although that is my dream to be a "crossfit" chick...someday sooner than later). I mean get out and walk or ride your bike daily.  Anything is better than just sitting around doing nothing.  I will be the first to admit...I have never liked running...nor do I see it in my future...but I do LOVE riding my bike a few miles a day around the neighborhood, especially with my 2 girlies. 

*Don't use tobacco products. I know this is a VERY hard habit for many to break.  But look on the bright side...you will not only smell better and feel better-you'll save lots of money. Who wants to waste money on a "can of chew" or a pack of "cigs". NOT, I!

*Eat Right! Limit your fat intake and eat PLENTY of fruits and vegetables.  If you get tired of shoving carrots and other vegetables down...you can always juice. :)  It takes work...but nobody said eating right comes easy.  It takes work and dedication to live a better lifestyle when it comes to eating.

*Protect yourself from the sun. Especially if you live in the sunshine states...make sure to see a dermatologist to check your skin. I myself make it a point to have a yearly exam.  I may not always like what the derm. doctor has to say...but I know that being proactive is key! Well I take it back...she always compliments me on my lips and how so many people pay big bucks to have lips like mine. Ha! I tell her yes, I am blessed! But seriously...if you see any abnormalities...get them checked!

*Medical care...make sure you are seeing a medical professional for regular check ups and if you have a history or family history with cancer that you are being screened.  Again...being proactive is so crucial!!!

______________________________________________________________________________
THUNDERBIRD...Home Sweet Home
Now the question of the day has been...how was your CT scan??? Any news yet??? Well peeps...as soon as I know my results, you can bet that I will be blogging for all to know.  I hate...yes I know strong word...but I hate drinking those barium bottles prior to the scan.  I described it to my girls as if someone turned Elmer's glue into a drink and tried to cover up the nasty taste by adding some "fake" berry flavor to it. Ummm...yuck! Needless to say I got my scan completed...and dealt with some tummy issues for the rest of the day.

But I need to share a special occurrence that happened to me before/during/after my scan.  So I arrived the 30 minutes prior.  Filled out the necessary paper work and then sat there in the medical image waiting area.

 I thought to myself all the life changing events that have occurred to me at Banner Thunderbird...from having my beautiful babies there, being diagnosed with breast cancer and having my mastectomies there, my abdominal hysterectomy...to being told I had cancer again and this time it was primary pancreatic.  That hospital holds a special place in my heart...and although there has been a LOT of tragic times there...I have also had some special memories that I will forever cherish and be grateful for. 

So as I signed my name and marked the date...I was greeted by the ct tech...Hello, My name is Samantha and I will be doing your ct scan today.  Ok, I thought to myself lets do this!  

She began to ask which arm I preferred her to start my iv. I showed her my left arm...and she kinda took a deep gulp and sighed. She then stated that too bad I didn't have a port so she could just access it that way instead of poking my arm again...as she could see my bruises and where I last had blood taken.  I pulled down my shirt to show her my port.  She was happy that she could call the RN  to come access my port and we would begin the test.  Well that didn't go as planned...they requested that if that was the case, I would need a chest x-ray to determine placement...Samantha being concerned...she didn't think I needed to have unnecessary radiation from the xray-I agreed. So next call was to the swat RN to come start an IV. It wasn't that I know Samantha didn't have the confidence that she couldn't get a good IV...but the fact that she was so concerned and compassionate for my comfort and well being. 

So the swat RN comes into the room and I began to tell both her and Samantha "my story"...how I was diagnosed at THEIR hospital...how the doctors and nurses took care of me...how I went onto Banner Good Sam for the whipple surgery, had chemo...and pretty much now here I was today for the scan because my tumor markers had elevated. They were both so attentive and listening to every detail I told.  The swat RN got my IV and left the room...Samantha did what she needed to do and the scan began.

I laid there trying to ease my mind and relax from being anxious...all I could do was reflect on all the memories that I had at T-bird.  I thought to myself...I really need to give Samantha a "blog-card" that is what I call them. Nothing more than a business card...instead has my blog address, face book prayer page, and name with my phone number.  Whenever I have an opportunity I pass them out like candy and try to make a difference in complete strangers lives in hopes they pay it forward...share my story and perhaps give others hope. 

So wouldn't you know the scan only took a short while...after feeling like I was going to "pee" my pants-lovely side affect from the contrast that is used in ct scans. So I thought Wow! Another one completed and just like the last ct scan...they seriously don't last as long as one would think.  So I threw on my top I was wearing over my tank-top and Samantha walked back near the area I had my purse on and where I was laying for the test.  I told her Thank YOU and I handed her my blog-card as I mentioned that I blog and when she got a chance she could read more of my story.  She took it and said..."Wait a minute!"...are you on face book?- I answered YES! Oh my she continued on...Do you know "KRICO"??? I said of course...she's a good friend and I worked at Boswell with her.  Samantha's eyes at that point got teary as she said, " I have been praying for you, ever since KRICO shared your story on face book...I have been lifting you in prayers! "

It was at that moment that I knew God had everything planned out...I was scheduled to be at a complete different hospital...but Banner Estrella's machines were down for a few more weeks...so i chose to go to Thunderbird...my "other" Home Sweet Home! Thank you Samantha and those of you that have played a role in my health care.  Your compassion, and dedication does NOT go unnoticed.  I am grateful for people like YOU!

Until next time...thank your health care provider for the job that they do.  Encourage others to wear PURPLE.  Pray for GOOD results from my scan...and make a difference today!