For the Record...Positivity Please!

I shouldn't have to write this post...nor should I feel like I have to...but I am! Caution I use the "C" word a lot...I am going to make my point VERY clear to some. (or at least try to)
I blog because I enjoy writing...I want to share my story with others...I want others to know that CANCER is a WORD...NOT a sentence. I know there will always be the few that might disagree or have their opinions...but your negativity is nothing compared to all the positivity that I am around or receive.  I get comments left on my blog...and out of probably 40 comments...I will have 1 that isn't so "positive".

Let me set something straight for the record. NO 2 CANCER stories are alike. Heck my paternal Grandma, Aunt, 2 great aunts, maternal Grandfather, his sister my great aunt, and my Mom have ALL had CANCER...and guess what NONE of our stories are anywhere similar. In fact they are so far from each other that it isn't even worth comparing. Why does this matter...CANCER IS CANCER...this I do know. 

But guess what...statistics are just that...NUMBERS.  We could be driving down the interstate and lose our lives tomorrow...we don't know when are time has come...but reality is we all die some day...whether you believe in after we leave this earth and live on forever or not is up to you...

I got a comment that had a LOT of "negativity" in it...sorry that you wasted your time typing it all...but last time I checked I have NEVER gotten a "sentence" from the doctor saying I only have such and such amount of time left on this earth. In fact...I have beaten so many odds that everyone just smiles and shakes their head in disbelief.  

Ways I have "beaten the odds"...
*Survived stage 3 aggressive Breast Cancer at the age of 27
*was a candidate and SURVIVED the whipple surgery
*Have Survived being a single Mama while fighting cancer
*Survived 47 radiation treatments to date with breast and pancreatic CANCER treatments
*Have Survived 4-A/C treatments and 4-taxol treatments
*Have Survived 35 days of continuous 5FU treatments and counting
*Have Survived 10 Gemzar treatments
*Have Survived 6 oxaliplatin treatments and counting
-Do you see the pattern? I am SURVIVING!   What was it that you had to say?... Ha!

I am sorry some must be so miserable and find it necessary to make others lives miserable...saying that I am hiding so much...well those that LOVE me and KNOW me can attest that I am probably one of the most positive people you'll ever know and I live life each and every day!

I don't focus on everything "bad" that has happened in my life...because if I did I would be 6 feet under...I have a purpose on this earth.

As for my girls they absolutely know what LOVE is...how to love...and how to be loved. They too haven't had the easiest last couple of years...but don't you all worry about them...for those of you that do NOT know...they have been in coping class with other kiddos of parents that have been going through CANCER too.  Those that have followed by journey from step one had the opportunity to see the post with the video of my girls being so brave as they were interviewed and made most adults look like little pieces of bread crumbs scattered on a restaurant floor.

So moral of this crazy post is this...Yes, I blog for a reason...do I share everything with complete random strangers...ummm no! There is a limit as to how far I will go...you can read my book one day with all the other juicy details.  Until then...remember I human...I am a mom...I have beat CANCER once-I am BEATING it again...I don't need to hear the statistics or how my story is just like someone else's and how they lost their battle.  I will only accept positive comments :)  so other than that...don't waste your energy...life is too short. 

Did you know...for those "worried" about statistics that 1 out of 2 men and 1 out of 3 women will develop cancer in their lifetime.  Pretty depressing, huh?  What are YOU doing to prevent it? Eat healthy, live positive, and be YOU! Check yourself...be proactive. Trust your gut...get a 2nd opinion if need be. (Thank goodness I did!)

Just so YOU know..those that DON'T know me...I was inpatient one day for test/labs...and paragliding the next with one of my fave doctors...yep! That's how I roll. See... I am living my life...and although I don't feel like 100% everyday...I give each day 110%.

So until next time remember this...until you've walked in my shoes...I guess I can honestly say-don't judge! I am an open book...when I have something to say...don't YOU worry...I will say it! 

No Chemo Today!

Hello! Its been a little bit...

Some of you know that I was in the hospital for a short time getting my labs checked and scans to go with...I was having severe and I mean severe abdominal pain.  My labs were kinda all crazy and more concerning my liver enzymes were really high-above 500+.  So all my doctors were concerned and did a ct scan, an ultrasound, and then an mri. They really didn't show anything significant...but they wanted to make sure I didn't have some sort of blockage from the whipple. Although it has been over a year...there can still be complications down the road so being proactive is always important.

Today I showed up to get my port accessed and to begin all the steps to a "normal" chemo day...once I was checked in by the nurse they sent in the med-onc doctor's "assistant" and she informed me that Dr.K wants me to follow up with my GI doctor before proceeding with the next round of chemo. Which makes sense :)  Good news that I got today was that my liver enzymes went from high 500s down to 100s...still a tad high...but I will take it!!! 

I will wait for the center to call me with my appointment and we will go from there as to when my next chemo will be. No worries!

So another lesson after today is a reminder that...everything happens for a reason!

Until next time...(sorry to you out of state people) I am outside enjoying the nice Arizona sunshine. Toodles!

My Aunt Pam

I have been wanting to blog about my Aunt...but the time just wasn't right. I knew this day was coming sooner than later and although it is a sad time...it is also a glorious time knowing who she is going to meet. 



For those of you that do not know...my Aunt has been battling dementia for a few years now.  She took a fall a few weeks ago...and fractured her arm.  Once she was taken to the hospital and examined...it was determined that she had metastatic breast cancer. 



Once my cousins and my Uncle were given the news...they were also given the prognosis and a "time-frame".  Hospice was then called in.



I was fortunate enough to be able to visit her while she was still in the hospital 2 weeks ago. Although she did not know who I was...as I began to leave...I rubbed her hand, kissed her forehead and told her...I Love You.  She replied, "Bless your heart" with all the smile that she could give me. 



I know that she has missed her parents, and her brothers...I know that they will all be together again.  As sad as the situation may be...I was reminded by my youngest today as I shed my tears...just this..."Mama, you know what...she's not in pain anymore".  I shook my head yes...I know!



My aunt wanted everyone to get an education...and to better them selves. 



She wasn't just "my aunt"...she was also a teacher to many. In fact my worst year of elementary school was in 4th grade...not because I hated going to school...but the fact that my aunt was my teacher and wanted me to be best-well it gets better...I also smashed the class pet (on accident) that year...and as sad and upset as I was...she told me this..."Jamie Renae...it is ok! stop your crying and get back into class, you know Dessia (a childhood friend) stepped on the gerbil the year before..."



My aunt leaves behind my Uncle Rex, her sons Jim & his wife Amy, Clint & his wife Sheridan and 7 amazing grand kids.



I am grateful for the good memories I have with my Aunt Pam from the shopping trips we use to take, the Christmas Eve parties at her house...to the good times in 4th grade :)



Until next time...keeping my Family in my prayers as losing someone is never easy. 

Right is Right

Over the past few years I have often wondered how one can think "wrong is right"...and that "right is wrong"...I can't believe some people at times...this world that we live in. It saddens me to see the way people live. The way that others treat people.  The way that they go about their day like nothing is wrong. 

It bothers me that people are so at ease just to throw so much away...whether it is a good job, their homes, their family, or their life. I am not talking about people that have come into hardships...I am talking about those that are able to change...or able to live the life and they simply don't care.  What is wrong with our society today?  Years ago it was that everyone cared...nowadays that isn't the case so much. What happened to doing the right thing?

I once knew a person that would get irate when I wasn't "loyal" to them because I wouldn't take their side...and I would respond to them by saying...when you are doing something I don't believe in or don't agree with...I don't care who you are...call me what you will...but I know right is right and wrong is wrong. It isn't about being "loyal" it is about being an honest human being and standing up for what you believe in and what you know is right.

Well all I can say is this...Thank you to my Dad and Mom for raising me in a home that was filled with unconditional love...a home where we believed in God...worked for what we had...and knew right from wrong.

Until next time...recognize that being "loyal" is one thing...and doing right is another. 

I am seeing...RED

 You all know my blog is not just for me to talk about my journey with "C"...but my life in general.  So with that being said...Tomorrow (FEB. 7th) is wear red day for raising awareness for congenital heart defects. I have the perfect t-shirt that I will be wearing...I will have to make sure my hair and makeup look good so I can post some pictures.-ha!   So show your support...throw on a red scarf, wear some red shoes, tie a red bow in your hair, etc...I am wearing my RED heart-shirt for my cousin Kohl...who has been going heart-strong and is 21 years old, little Corben, Hunter, and Gigi.    

I can remember going to the ICU on several occasions when Kohl would be in the hospital for months at a time which seemed like eternity...now looking back I can't believe its been so many years ago.  Kohl underwent heart surgery at  3 days old and then again at 3 months old.  I am so proud of who he has become. I know life isn't always easy dealing with heart issues and having to be on medications for it...but he keeps his head held high and has become very successful.

So don't forget and lets wear our RED to support those that have dealt with CHD and those that are going through it now. Keep up the fight!  


Until next time...Hope to see LOTS of RED tomorrow.  Lets make a difference and spread the word! <3

Feb 5th...11 years later.

"If Tomorrow Never Comes"

Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes

 

 

"If Tomorrow Never Comes"..Garth Brooks sang this song and it was actually one of my Daddy's favorite songs.  He would sing this to us often, along the "The Dance" sang by Garth as well.  I think these lyrics sum up a lot. 

 

My Daddy never missed the opportunity to tell us or show us that he LOVED us...there wasn't a day that went by that he didn't say these three simple words...I LOVE YOU.  He not only told us...but he proved it by all that he did. 

 

He was a man of honor and respect.  He was a man that didn't know a stranger.  He was a man that stood up for what was right.  He was a man that believed in making a difference. He was a man that gave the BEST hugs.  He was a man that would give you the shirt off his back.  He was a man that loved my Mama.  He was a man that loved his family.  He was a man that worked many hours for his fire district.  He was a man of FAITH.  He was a man that was loved by so many.  He was a man that wore many coats...from farmer to fire chief.  But most importantly...this man was my DADDY. 

 

I still can't believe that it has been 11 years since I last heard him tell me on that Wednesday afternoon of Feb. 5, 2003...that he would see us for dinner and ended it with...I LOVE YOU.  To the someone that told me it gets easier after you lose a loved one...you lied!  (Daddy always hated liars-ha!)  It has not gotten easier. In fact some days get harder as the days turn into weeks...weeks into months...and months turn into years.  I just find ways to cope with the loss of my Daddy...but let me tell you...it's NOT easy. 

 

He rode out that Wednesday afternoon on his fire-engine red "special fire-fighter edition" Harley...never to return home...instead to meet our dear Lord. 

 

I know he has continued to be with us...just wish I could get at least a few more hugs.  His hugs were the best!!! 

 

Until we meet again...Thinking of you today and always.  Thank you for being the BEST Daddy anyone could ask for.  Thank you for being my HERO. Thank you for being YOU!

 

Until next time...tell that someone that you love...just what you're thinking of...
If tomorrow never comes.

 

Happy Feb People

Did you all see this commercial during that BIG football game everyone is talking about? Ha! I can honestly say I really didn't watch the Superbowl game...but my sister sent me a text asking if I saw this commercial?



Tomorrow...FEBRUARY 4th is WORLD CANCER DAY.  So what can YOU do??? Change your profile pictures on facebook, instagram, twitter, etc to PURPLE...many of you have "JAMIE" ribbons/support  as your profile pictures...thank you!!! Can I ask you all a favor??? Those of you that don't have some kind of PURPLE as your pics...change them for tomorrow!!! Show your support for those that are fighting, those that will have to fight, and those that we have lost because of this battle.



So many of you know "my life"...but those of you that do not...let me get you up to date.  I had a scan last week...and my tumor markers were drawn again.

*scan shows that chemo is WORKING...no new "areas of concern", etc...PTL!!!

*tumor markers came down by 119 points.  Yes...it is still high...however it is coming down and my team of doctors were VERY happy to say the least.



My medical oncologist said something like this..."I was seriously getting worried since your markers kept increasing...but now with the scans and your numbers coming down I am very pleased...we will keep doing what we are doing".  I responded "You and me both...I was getting worried also".   Then off to chemo I went.  Round #5 was successful...7 more rounds to go. 



On another note...there are some of you that know this and many others that don't. I debated on sharing this...but I know that more prayers are needed for what I am about to share.  In regards to this commercial above...it really hit me hard. Listen to the lyrics of this song.  I sat there and thought wow!  I have been a "single"...legally married mama to 2 little girls and fighting cancer. I have not had my husband around since Sept. 2012...I have been fighting with the help of my FAMILY and my very dear FRIENDS and my FAITH which has kept me going.  Yes...I have ALL 3...actually its more like this now...FAITH, FAMILY, FRIENDS. FOCUS, FIGHT, FUTURE. (Thanks Miss J)



I never imagined that while fighting cancer and going through chemo that I would be served with divorce papers...but yes...I was. Yuck...I hate that "D" word.  I know...impeccable timing-not!  I have to chuckle because I think to myself this is just lovely.  Then on the other hand I think some people forget that I am a VERY tough girl...so I am thankful for this time and can't wait to write this very interesting chapter into my book. 



I am not going to sit here and bash "him" or "her"...they aren't worth me wasting my precious time...all I can say is many people should remember the golden rule :)  It's pretty simple...do unto others as you would have them do unto you. 



I now have 2 battles on my plate...what some have forgotten is that I have a pretty big plate...I think it is also metal plated by now-ha!  This is just another bump in the road that I like to call...MY LIFE. 



THANK YOU to those that have been with me since day one of this journey...those that have heard my story and support me...those that are strangers that are inspired...and to those "few" that read my blog...praying that you will make a difference someday.



Until next time remember this...Your beliefs don't make you a better person...your behavior does! BE GOOD. DO GOOD.