I can, I will

Some of you saw that at 5 am today I had posted this on my FB page:
"Pain, Pain go away and don't come back another day"...
Well I couldn't even put any pressure or lay on my right side. It was a SHARP-STABBING pain that made me want to cry.  Instead I just sat in bed and decided enough was enough...I would just get up and start my day.  I got the girls ready the best that I could and then headed back to bed for a few hours. *THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS!!!

It was off to radiation @12:20...as I started my 2nd week of treatments.  I am not sure the "pain" I have been having and was experiencing is not from radiation.  Which leads me to this concern...those that know anything about radiation therapy know just how precise it has to be. They can not over-lap any margins from my therapy 7 years ago...and of course they have to get the correct dimensions this go round to kill the "tumor"-area where it was removed and the lymph node area of any "C".  With that being said...a portion of my RIGHT kidney is getting "zapped" each day with radiation.  That makes me a little uneasy...but I can live with one kidney if that were the case and I do NOT want "C".
So as I drove off...I called my super-smart friend Tiffany who seriously needs to just be a doctor and drop the RN after her name.  She gave me pointers on what I needed to ask my doctors-will I need a nephrologist...what about monitoring my BUN and CREATININE levels.  Oh my! Of course...I just need her in my pocket so when I forget these types of questions she could be there.

Next up 1:30pm appointment at my medical onco office to get more chemo and to meet with the PA. Any questions...of course...I was mentioning everything Tiffany had just told me. The PA agreed that a complete blood panel needed to be drawn on me EVERY week and not just every other.  Also if need be a nephrologist would be consulted.

Then she ask me questions...then about my girls.  Here is where my day kinda took a turn...not for the worst...just the unexpected.  So as most of you know I was thrilled when I heard that I would not be losing my hair with this chemo...well it was just that..."this" chemo.  As you know I am currently getting 5FU chemo-which will last for 7 weeks(with the 5 days/week of radiation)...then at that point I will start another chemo for 4 months. When Dr. O mentioned I wouldn't be losing my hair as I did 7 years ago...it was one more devastating thing that I didn't have to go through...not to mention having to see my little girls' faces as they watch me each and every day. 

I don't mean to be VAIN talking about what goes into my VEINS and the side effects...but seriously its just one more thing that us "C" patients have to deal with.

So what is that "other" chemo I will be getting-GEMSAR-which is used for PAN-CAN.  If you didn't already know my game-plan I will share it again :) I will go into the chemo room get hooked up with pre-meds (anti-nausea and decadron) and then Gemsar they say takes about 30 minutes or so?! 
The plan is once a week for 2 weeks straight, then off for one week. This will last for 4 months.  Some of the side effects...well as I learned today: HAIR LOSS...and also a big concern for low platelet counts...so they will obviously continue to monitor my labs. 

I keep telling myself...I can do this! I will do this!

I continue to cope with this battle and the everyday things that life has thrown my way. I try to keep my smile on and some days are harder than others. According to my friend Andrea...I am allowed to cry and she has given me the week off to deal with "my life" :)  These past few days have been quite emotional...but then I stop and remember why it is...the past 10 years have been like this. Yikes!!! More to come tomorrow...until then-PRAY, LOVE, LAUGH, and CRY (if you need to)